Funny Graduation Quotes and Messages

Graduation time is a fun, exciting moment in a student’s life, which is why we have put together a list of all the best funny graduation quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny graduation messages, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Funny Graduation Quotes

“If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.” -Robert F. Goheen

“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.” -William Lyon Phelps

“I’ve already forgotten everything.” -Unknown

“Life is tough, but it’s a whole lot tougher if you’re stupid.” -John Wayne

“Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.” -Erma Bombeck

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -Oscar Wilde

“One of the most important things, especially when you’re leaving school, is to realize you’re going to be dealing with a lot of idiots. And a lot of those idiots are in charge of things, so if you’re in an interview and you really want to tell the person off, don’t do it.” -Lewis Black

“The road to success is always under construction.” -Lily Tomlin

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” -Elbert Hubbard

“I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.” -Fred Allen

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” –Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 2004

“I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.” -George Foreman

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.” -Robert Orben

“Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.” -Gary Trudeau

“You know that point at your graduation ceremony where everyone tosses up their caps? Isn’t it great that we all celebrate how smart we are by throwing sharp pointy objects in the air?” -Unknown

“Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.” -John Green

“At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.” -Greg Tamblyn

“Remember, half the doctors in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class.” -Al McGuire

“The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.” -Russell Baker

“Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.” -Gary Bolding

“Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.” -Unknown

“The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.” -Jon Stewart

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.” -Albert Einstein

“I can’t wait to hear your name horribly mispronounced at the graduation ceremony.” -Unknown

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” -Will Rogers

“Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.” -Al Bernstein

“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.” -Robert Anthony

“Dance like nobody’s watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.” -Unknown

“Congratulations on four years of pretending your third pick school was your first choice.” -Unknown

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.” -Frank Clark

“It doesn’t matter that your dream came true if you spent your whole life sleeping.” -Jerry Zucker

“And to get real work experience, you need a job, and most jobs will require you to have had either real work experience or a graduate degree.” -Donald Norman

“When I was your age, we didn’t have the internet in our pants. We didn’t even have the internet not in our pants. That’s how bad it was.” -Dick Costolo

“A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.” -Theodore Roosevelt

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” -Mark Twain

“My dear terrified graduates, you are about to enter the most uncertain and thrilling period of your lives. The stories you are about to live are the ones you will be telling your children, and grandchildren, and therapists.” -Lin-Manuel Miranda

“For many, graduation marks the end of formal student life – the end of long spring breaks and of thinking that a 10 A.M. class is far too early.” -Alexa Von Tobel

“Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.” -Melanie White

“I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes – which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.” -Art Buchwald

“Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.” -Will Durant

“To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.” -A. A. Milne

“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.” -Erma Bombeck

“Big pay and little responsibility are circumstances seldom found together.” -Napoleon Hill

“You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.” -Andy Samberg

“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.” -Muhammad Ali

“Graduation: A ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.” -Unknown

“To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.” -George W. Bush

“Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.” -Unknown

“As you set off into the world, don’t be afraid to question your leaders. But don’t ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.” -Will Ferrell

“Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” -Mark Cooper

“Well, I’m not usually one for speeches. So, goodbye.” -Ron Swanson

“When they hand you your diploma, keep moving. Just in case they try to take it back.” -Unknown

“I did get a degree in special education.” -Clay Aiken

“I didn’t go to college, but if I did, I would’ve taken all my tests at a restaurant, cause the customer is always right.” -Mitch Hedberg

Funny Graduation Messages

Congrats on graduating! Remember, you’re not just closing a chapter, you’re opening a whole new book… with way more responsibility and significantly less nap time.

Wishing you a future filled with more ‘congratulations’ and less ‘I’ll have a venti coffee, please’. Though, let’s be real, you’ll probably need both.

Congrats on graduating! Remember, life is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get, but hopefully, it’s not the one filled with coconut.

Welcome to the real world. Don’t worry, none of us know what we’re doing here either!

I knew you were smart, but I didn’t know you were this smart. Here’s to you, grad!

I always knew you would barely graduate, well done!

Con-GRAD-ulations!

Wishing you a future filled with more success than failed group projects and fewer late-night cram sessions.

Congrats on graduating! Remember, life is like a rollercoaster – sometimes you’ll want to scream, sometimes you’ll want to throw up, but it’s always one heck of a ride.

Con-GRAD-ulations to the big graduate!

You started out with ABC, and now you’re on to PhD! Congrats on the big milestone!

As you step into the real world, just remember: adulthood is just one big game of ‘fake it till you make it’. You got this!

Congratulations! Now you can finally start getting paid to work, rather paying to do it!

Congrats on graduating! Remember, life is like a multiple-choice test – sometimes there’s no right answer, but you’ve gotta pick one anyway.

May your amazing uni memories last longer than your loan repayments!

Here’s to you, the newest member of the ‘I Survived High School’ club. Brace yourself, adulthood awaits!

Wishing you a future filled with more ‘achievements unlocked’ and fewer “software updates required”.

I never thought you would make it here…yet here we are! Congrats on proving me wrong.

You aren’t doing it wrong if no one knows what you’re doing.

Here’s to the graduate: may your future be as bright as your phone screen during a boring lecture.

My deepest condolences on the end of your university life.

Congratulations! You’ve officially unlocked the achievement of ‘graduate’. Now, onto the DLC pack called “adult responsibilities”!

May your diploma be the key to unlocking doors… and may those doors lead to well-stocked fridges and comfy couches!

Isn’t it amazing how far people can go now that Google, Wikipedia and AI are around to help?

Now that you have your degree, I hope you’re ready to help me when I need it. Don’t worry, I’ll wait a month to let you soak in your success.

Congratulations! You’ve officially graduated from ‘student’ to ‘potential employee’. Time to update that LinkedIn profile!

Say goodbye to all the lie-ins, partying and free time – the hard work starts now!

I knew you partied, but I guess you studied too. Congrats on your graduation!

Congrats to me sitting through the whole ceremony.

Here’s to the graduate: may your debts be paid off quicker than it takes to microwave a burrito.

Congrats on your graduation! May your job interviews be as successful as your last-minute study sessions.

I guess I have to stop calling you an idiot now that you’ve graduated. Don’t worry though, I’m still clever enough to come up with plenty of other names for you.

Cheers to the graduate! May your job interviews be short, your paychecks be hefty, and your coffee supply be endless.

Congrats on your graduation! Now, onto the next adventure: mastering the art of adulting without adult supervision.

Well done on getting through the easy part of life!

No matter how much you cheated, I’m proud of you for making it this far. Just kidding, I know you worked so hard to

That sure is an expensive piece of paper! Make the most of it.

Wishing you success, happiness, and a job that pays enough to fund your Netflix addiction. You’re gonna need it.

Don’t worry! I’m still smarter than you, and you will still get advice from me all the time.

Here’s to the graduate: may your dreams be bigger than your student loans… and may you find a way to pay them off before your next birthday.

Goodbye everyone. I’ll remember you in therapy.

I lost a bet. Because YOU actually graduated!

Congrats on finally escaping the clutches of education! Don’t worry, the real world isn’t as scary as it seems… okay, maybe a little.

Did you ever think this day would come? We didn’t think so either!

Congratulations to ChatGPT for graduating, after all – it did all the hard work!

So that is it for our list of Funny Graduation Quotes and Messages. We hope you found the perfect one for you!

If you like these, you can also check out our other lists of Inspirational Graduation Messages, Graduation Captions and Senior Quotes.

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