Without humor, life is not the same. When we mix a little humor in with our words and actions, our loved ones will find our moments together more remarkable and extraordinary. And when it comes to love quotes, funny ones are often the best. This collection of funny love quotes and funny love sayings are cute, short or the perfect way for couples to add humor to their relationship.
Funny Love Quotes
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
“The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.” — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” — Pearl Bailey
“Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.” — Jeanne Moreau
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz
“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” — Plato
“Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.” — Dolly Parton
“Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.” — John Lennon
“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” — Lisa Hoffman
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” — H. L. Mencken
“Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.” – Marjorie Pay Hinckley
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Dewar
”Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” — Oscar Wilde
“Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” — Christopher Marlowe
“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” — Melanie Clark
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” — Russell Brand
“Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality.” — Miranda on “Sex and the City”
“I love you more than anything in the world combined.” – Stephanie Meyer
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby — awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” — Lemony Snicket
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” — Jules Renard
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
“Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.” — Judith Viorst
“If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” — Miles Davis
“A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.” — Cher
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Lost Love Quotes, Love of my Life Quotes, Love You More Quotes and Couple Love Quotes.
Funny Love Quotes for Him
“When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own.” — Lenore Coffee
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — Tim Allen
“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” — Helen Rowland
“I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’” — Amy Schumer
“What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” — Cindy Garner
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“My husband forgot my birthday and my anniversary. I didn’t feel bad. On the contrary. Give me a guilty husband any day. Some of my best outfits come from his guilt.” — Betty Walker
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” — Cindy Garner
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie
“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” – Angelita Lim
“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“The bravest thing that men do is love women.” — Mort Sahl
“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” — Jean Kerr
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason
Funny Love Quotes for Her
“My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.” — Emo Philips
“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” — Steve Martin
“I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.” — Chico Marx
“I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.” — David Young
“If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.” — J.A. Redmerski
“My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan.” — Leopold Fetchner
“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” — Ray Romano
“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright
“‘I love you’ begins by I, but it ends up by you.” – Charles de Leusse
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” ― Sharon Stone
“You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps.” — Roseanne Barr
“Women love a self-confident bald man.” — Larry David
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock
“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” — Brendan Francis
Funny Couple Quotes
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henry Youngman
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” — Albert Einstein
“I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing …’” — Felicia Michaels
“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” — Carroll Bryant
“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” – Elinor Glyn
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” — Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers
“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
“Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” — Richard Lewis
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henry Youngman
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” — Mae West
“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” — Blaise Pascal
“If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.” — Alan King
“I can’t make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.” — Rob Delaney
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford
“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen.” — Francois de la Rochefoucauld
“Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. Now who’s asking the questions?” — Jack Handy
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Dewar
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry, but I’m into you.”
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
“There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach.” — Barbara Hower
“Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” — Benjamin Franklin
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers
“If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” — Katherine Mansfield
“True love cannot be found where it does not exist, nor can it be denied where it does.” — Torquato Tasso
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal
“Only true love can fuel the hard work that awaits you.” — Tom Freston
“True love stories never have endings.” — Richard Bach
“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.” ― William Goldman
“Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.” — Jean de La Fontaine
“Love is friendship on fire.” — Susan Sontag
“I am catastrophically in love with you.” — Cassandra Clare
“I want true love, because I don’t have so much time, and I want to spend my time with the right girl.” — Bill Kaulitz
“To good and true love fear is forever affixed.” — Francois Rabelais
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” — William Shakespeare
“If there is any country on earth where the course of true love may be expected to run smooth, it is America.” — Harriet Martineau
“A kiss may not be the truth but it is what we wish were true.” — Steve Martin as Harris Telemacher in “L.A. Story”
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal
“Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime.” — Bette Davis
”Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” — Elinor Glyn
“I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone.” — J.R.R. Tolkien
“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” — Confucius
“A life lived in love will never be dull.” — Leo Buscaglia
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
“I believe there are some things in life you can’t deny or rationalize, and [love] is one of them.” — Cate Blanchett
“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love.” — Sophocles
“Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.” — Marge Piercy
“Where there is love there is life.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“Life is the flower for which love is the honey.” — Victor Hugo
“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” — Audrey Hepburn
”A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” — Kurt Vonnegut
Funny Relationship Quotes
“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.” — Ralphie May
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor
“I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed.” — Dave Attell
“The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.” — Milton Berle
“Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” — Professor Irwin Corey
“People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” — Andy Warhol
“Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing.” — Helen Rowland
“Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schultz
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck
“I love you and I like you” — Parks & Recreation
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” — Elizabeth Evans
“I saw that you were perfect, and so I loved you. Then I saw that you were not perfect and I loved you even more.” — Angelita Lim
“I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you.” — The Alchemist
“I’ve tried so many times to think of a new way to say it, and it’s still I love you.” — Zelda Fitzgerald
“If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?” — Casper
“I love you more than I think I should.” – Becca Fitzpatrick
“I do know some things. For example, I know I love you. I know you love me.” — Game of Thrones
“Do I love you? My god, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.” — The Princess Bride
“I love you.” “I know.” — Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
“I love you so damn much that it is starting to steal other words’ meanings. ” — Open-365
“I love you more than I hate everything else.” — Rainbow Rowell
Funny Love Quotes from Movies
“Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable…” — Wizard of Oz
“I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.” — Forrest Gump
“You wouldn’t know love if it kicked you in the fangs.” — True Blood (2011)
“When you love somebody, you go deaf, dumb, and blind.” — The Way We Were
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Um… Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — The Office (2005)
“We don’t get to pick who we fall in love with, and it doesn’t happen like it should.” — No Strings Attached (2011)
“My husband and I fell in love at first sight… maybe I should have taken a second look.” — Crimes and Misdemeanors
“Without a heart I can never really know what it would be like to love someone, or ever really understand trashy novels.” — Wizard of Oz
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — When Harry Met Sally
“…when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me?” — Definitely, Maybe (2008)
“You will never know love unless you surrender to it.” — Fools Rush In
“I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.” — Love Actually (2003)
“I dare not kiss so lovely a lady. I have but one heart to lose.” — First Knight
“A heart can be broken; but it keeps beating just the same.” — Fried Green Tomatoes
“Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” — Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
“Love sure is a funny thing. Makes you happy, makes you sad, makes you do all sorts of things you never thought you’d do before. In fact, love’s the reason I’m laying here dying.” — I Love You Phillip Morris (2009)
“If you’re not willing to sound stupid, you’re not worthy of falling in love.” — A Lot Like Love
“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of “Everybody Loves Raymond”, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It last forever.” — Knocked Up
Funny Love Sayings
“Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.”
“Love is telling someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.”
“I vow to never wear a flannel nightgown if you vow to never do a comb-over.”
“If your significant other is mad at you put a cape on them and say “Now you’re super mad!”. If they laugh, marry them.”
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years — then we met.”
“Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.”
“Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe. So basically a clown ninja.”
“I may look like a potato now, but one day I’ll turn into fries and you’ll want me then.”
“The four most important words in any marriage, “I’ll do the dishes.”
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.”
“I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.”
“I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.”
“A man’s job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.”
“I promise to love you, respect you, support you, and above all else, make sure I’m not just yelling at you because I’m hungry.”
“I love you more than yesterday. Yesterday you got on my nerves.”
“Once in a while, something amazing comes along and here I am.”
“Let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.”
“You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life.”
“When a boy gets jealous it’s kinda cute. But when a girl gets jealous, World War 3 is about to start.”
“Sometimes your knight in shining armor turns out to be an idiot wrapped in tin foil.”
I’m glad we both swiped right.
They said we wouldn’t work, but we did.
You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it.
Can’t keep calm when we’re this crazy in love!
My heart beats faster when I’m near you, or is it the coffee?
There isn’t anything I need but you and maybe a cheeseburger.
You are my soulmate, I heard it in a song.
When we’re together I hear music, or is it just ringing in my ears?
You’re my life hack!
I think you’re lacking vitamin mE.
We go together like cookies and milk.
Might as well face it, we’re addicted to love.
How lucky am I that of all the fish in the sea, I caught you.
I tell you everything, at least everything I think you should know.
Us weirdos gotta stick together.
We’re definitely two of a kind!
We’re our own kind of awkward.
With you I feel like I’m walking on air…hope I don’t fall.
When we kiss fireworks go off, either that or my phone exploded.
I lava you! Do you lava me?
My favorite hobby is flirting with you.
I’ll be annoying her for the rest of her life.
My heart goes boom when you are in the room.
I still get butterflies even though I’ve seen you a hundred times.
You and Me. Forever. Please?
The only time I stop talking is to kiss you.
I love you to the beach and back
Sorry to be cheesy, but you’re my butter half!
Together is our favorite place to be.
He stole my heart, so I’m stealing his last name.
Don’t want to get all mushy, but I’m seriously falling for you.
I would download you anytime.
You are the ‘she’ to my ‘nanigans’.
Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.
When you are around..nothing else really matters!!
I love you just as much as I love cake.
Happiness is a drug. And I want to be your dealer.
You are the ‘he’ to my ‘heartbeats’.
Sugar and spice, that’s us.
So there you have it! We hope you found the best quoe or saying you were looking for.
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About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.
