Just because a Christmas wish is sincere doesn’t mean it can’t also be funny, which is why we have gathered all the best funny Merry Christmas wishes for your next post. And if you’re looking for funny Christmas quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Merry Christmas Wishes
I hope when Santa comes at midnight, he brings you wrapped in a box as my Christmas gift! That would make a perfect Christmas for me this year!
This holiday season I think I will donate my bathroom scale. that way I won’t be weighed down with guilt going into the new year!
You don’t need Santa to get special presents while you have me in life. I am your all-year-long Santa.
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Wishing that the magic of the season be with you always.
Happy Holidays! May the magic of Christmas still be with you when you open your next credit card bill.
But first, let me take an elfie.
Today, I will sleigh Christmas!
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red
A Christmas Reminder: Don’t try to borrow any money from elves; They’re always a little short! Have a Merry Christmas!
May you have plenty of mistletoe on hand this Christmas… and lots of good kisses too!
I love Christmas, but I am glad it comes just once a year. Otherwise, I’d definitely turn into a major Grinch!
I’ve finally found the true meaning of Xmas, it’s for those people who can’t spell Christmas!
Santa can definitely do some pretty amazing things. But I really wish he could make “late fees” disappear off of bills. Merry Christmas!
Lob a snowball at me, and I’ll declare war. Let’s make this one the best Christmas for us together! Merry Christmas to you!
When I say I don’t want any present, I am fibbing … so I will be waiting for my surprise Christmas gift… Merry Christmas my love!!!
I wish for your holidays to be filled with many big smiles and big celebrations – but hopefully not big credit card bills!
I hope your celebration will be big and your bill will be small this Christmas. Have a joyful Christmas!
I’d like to say that all I want for Christmas is you, but I’d also like a new credit card! Merry Christmas, sweetheart!
I mistakenly wrapped your Christmas present in a paper that says “Happy Birthday”. So I added the wording “to Jesus” on it. Merry Christmas!
Hope you get to drink a lot and feast well in the holiday season. Lose yourself and have a bit more fun. Merry Christmas!
Instead of presents, I wish Santa would lend me an elf for a year. I’m pretty sure I could find enough things for him to fix, build, or clean for an entire year!
May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!
This time of year so many get concerned about eating too many calories. Therefore, I will gladly take any unwanted Christmas cookies.
Wishing you joy & happiness through the holidays and straight through the year. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
I hope your smiles will be as big as your credit card bill this Christmas! Wish you good luck and a lot of fun. Happy Christmas!
My presence is really the only gift you need. Merry Christmas!
Stop asking for presents from Santa and be the Santa for the kids around you. Suits your age. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brings you presents – and not the flu– this holiday season!
I love the holidays. But sometimes I could use a little less “Jingle Bells” and a little more “Silent Night”.
Christmas is all about spending time with good people. So makes sure you spend the entire day with me tomorrow. Merry Christmas!
I have no money to spend for you on this Christmas but know that I always have time to spend with you this Christmas! Merry Christmas!
So flippin’ excited to spend this Christmas with you. Can’t wait to make some funny moments with you.
All I want for Christmas is YOU but as I have already got you, thanks in advance for the hot chocolate on Christmas eve. Merry Christmas.
Happy Holidays! May there be plenty of sales and coupons wherever you go to do your Christmas shopping.
Our plans for Christmas: Let’s have all the fun of our life and then we’ll both be praying until our credit bills arrive to rip us off. Happy Xmas!
Christmas is the only time when eating candy out of socks is cool! Good luck with your smelly socks and expired candies. Merry Christmas!
Celebrating & unwrapping. Counting down & ringing in. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Christmas is truly full of wonders. It makes all of my savings disappear! That is the Christmas magic; Merry Christmas!
Good luck with wishing people unrealistic things from someone who doesn’t even exist. Have a great Christmas this year!
Merry Christmas! Santa is giving you the gift of a frigid winter – but just for a few more months!
Wishing you a white Christmas this year. If you run out of the white one, remember I have plenty of supply for the red one. Merry Christmas dear friend!
It’s the most wonderful season indeed – until everything has to be cleaned up, and the credit card bill arrives.
Hey you two over there, It’s the old, bearded guy and his silly reindeer! We’re here to bring you holiday cheer and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Christmas is the festival of love and spirit. So let us drink the spirit to feel love; Merry Christmas too!
Christmas is the only time of year when I buy nuts, and it’s the only time of year I feel like I may go nuts. May you keep your sanity this holiday season!
I wonder how Santa celebrates Christmas day. After the late-night shift he pulls, I bet he stays in bed all day and does nothing. Sounds nice.
If I were to re-write the “12 Days of Christmas,” I would include things like chocolate, cocktails, and fancy dinners instead of French hens and turtle doves.
Santa has already given me what I wished for so long. Now I want him to fill your socks too! Merry Christmas!
Santa told me you are on the good list this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Just kidding! Have a wonderful Christmas!
May your Christmas be as fat, happy, and plentiful as Santa’s! Merry Christmas!
Santa told me you’d been very good this year; I told him it was just a lack of opportunity. Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-home for Christmas!
Santa is not going to give gifts to bad girls. So its better you don’t expect one. Merry Christmas.
I’ll declare war if you throw a snowball at me. Let’s make this the happiest Christmas we’ve ever had! Merry Christmas!
Someone woke up early in the morning to check her socks. Good for the socks, good for my morning too!
Everything grows old, except for You and Santa. Merry Christmas, my love. Sending warm wishes on your way this Christmas!
Merry Christmas! Now, excuse us while we head back to the mistletoe
Christmas dinners are the best. While I may not be the greatest at cooking, I am pretty good at eating!
Santa said you’ve been a great one this year. So, he will be giving you free vouchers to clean the house and find random things.
I wrote to Santa admitting that I have been naughty throughout this year and it’s all because of you. Now, I’m waiting for Santa’s reply. Merry Christmas!
Take my Christmas love and remember to bring me gifts. Merry Christmas!
Do not spend all of your savings in one day over this lovely holiday. Merry Christmas!
Santa asked me what my heart wants this Christmas! I told him your name, and he said you’re already in my heart! Merry Christmas!
They say the best Christmas gifts come from the heart… but cash and gift cards do wonders too! Happy Holidays!
There are four stages in life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
Everyone knows the most important part of the Christmas celebration is spending time with family you don’t get to see very often. Then you have an excuse to neglect them for the rest of the year.
This Christmas I planned on going green. So please get the point and send me lots of cash this Christmas. Thank you!
I just wanted to let you know that you will be on Santa’s naughty list this year. Merry Christmas!
Having you by my side this Christmas means everything extra. Extra food, extra admiration, extra bills- everything. Love you anyway, Merry Christmas
Happy holidays! May you have plenty of coffee and caffeinated drinks to get you through the Christmas season!
I Wish Santa fill your socks with candy and your wallet with money. Have a nice and warm holiday season! Merry Christmas to you!
It’s all fun and games ’till Santa checks the naughty list
Feelin’ frosty
Santa left batteries under the tree with a note that said “Due to cutbacks, toys not included.”
Besides the tree, guess who’s going to get lit all day?
Here’s my resting Grinch face
Happy Holidays! May you be able to participate in the activities of the Christmas season rather than the flu season!
Merry Christmas, the love of my life. After all our fancy Christmas dinners, I enjoy the fact that I am not the only one washing the dishes.
Merry Christmas! May Santa fill your stocking with winning lottery tickets! Hope you holiday season is a winner!
Good luck selecting the perfect tree. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas! May you not lose any packages in the mail this holiday season. (And may they be delivered on time too!)
You’re now at a stage of your life when you really need to ask yourself if you believe in Santa or not! Grow up, man. Merry Christmas!
Rockin’ each other’s Christmas socks
The best Christmas gifts are those given from the heart. On the other hand, cash and gift cards are effective too! Merry Christmas!
I’ve never decked the halls and I have no idea what Jingle Bell rock is. But I hope your Christmas rocks!
I don’t think I need any gifts this Christmas because I have the biggest present and that is you my love. Warm wishes to the loveliest and cutest man I know… Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas! May the lines at the stores you shop at be short, and may your patience be long this holiday season!
I wrapped your Christmas gift in “Happy Birthday” paper by accident. Then I added “to Jesus” to it. Merry Christmas!
The holidays are a time to keep your spirit light and your smile bright. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
Sometimes I feel like I should leave my Christmas decorations up all year; it seems that by the time I take them down, it’s time to put them back up again!
May the calories of Christmas disappear by the New Year. Happy holidays!
Merry X-mas! May you be surrounded by jolly elves – and not nasty grinches- this holiday season
May your Christmas be spent eating candies and cakes as long as you don’t forget brushing your teeth. Wishing you a Merry Xmas!
My wish this Christmas is to get that special one in my life. Santa said that he will give me the gift. So at night when Santa comes, he will wrap you up and bring it to me. Have a joyous Christmas.
Enjoy this Christmas till you find your name in Santa’s naughty list. May you have a great holiday!
Keep calm and decorate on
We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year!
I don’t need any more presents on Christmas because I have you and I am sure you can buy me everything that I want … Merry Christmas and thanks for making it so special.
Eat, drink, and be merry
For some, the best part of Christmas happens…. when it’s all over! Wishing you a stress-free Christmas season!
Joyful. Colorful. Magical. Wonderful. Busy. Stressful. Quick. Wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a Wonderful Christmas!
Is Santa so busy that he cannot find time to groom himself? I think its time for a shave.
Wishing for a fat bearded guy to visit you at night is weird but I guess that’s tradition for you. Merry Christmas!
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name
Christmas is not only for praying and praising. But for drinking and messing around also. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I know you are feeling grinchy, but I wish your Christmas to be merry! Best wishes to you!
If I forget to bring presents for you, keep your doors open. Santa will definitely come with a box of chocolates. Merry Christmas!
May all your savings doesn’t get spent on Christmas presents but do find me a something special. Merry Christmas.
Enjoy your holiday and feel the magic of Christmas this year. Witness how money disappears and how I lose my sanity. Merry Christmas!
May you do not find your name in Santa’s naughty list this year! Have a blessed and wonderful Holiday season with your family and friends.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
I hope Santa fills our socks with cash instead of gifts and toys. I know you hope for the same. Wishing you a happy Christmas!
Happy Holidays! May all your decorative lights be in working order this season. I hope your Christmas is bright!
One important rule of Christmas; You can eat all the sweet candies as long as you don’t forget to brush your teeth. Merry Christmas!
It seems that the Christmas season keeps getting earlier each year. If it gets any earlier, Halloween is going to feel offended.
I hope Santa leaves you plenty of presents, but I hope the reindeer do not leave behind any “presents” on your lawn! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! May you receive presents that make you happy – and not fruit cake and ugly Christmas sweaters.
Merry Christmas! May Santa bring you winning lottery tickets in your socks!
Sending your way a bundle of warm wishes and good luck on this holiday. Take my love and don’t forget to bring presents for me tonight. Merry Christmas!
Nowadays, you look like Santa with a big tummy and long beard. Guess what, you are going to the gym next year! Happy Holidays!
Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too until the credit card bills arrive!
My Christmas wish for you this year is simple: with all you are going to consume over the holidays, I hope your digestive system can handle it like a champ.
May your Christmas be filled with large smiles and festivities, but not with a big belly. Merry Christmas!
! We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas. We wish you a less expensive Christmas and a debt-free New Year!
Your name has been missing from both the naughty and nice list of Santa. So, I told him to search for your name on his handsome list. I’m sure he will find it there!
Dear Santa…can you please define “nice?”
My tree is set to sparkle
I think Santa should hire giants instead of elves so that he can have a faster production of gifts. Have a fun Christmas!
Santa’s did not find your name in the bad people’s list. So I told him to look in the cute list. And now he is on his way. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! It’s that time of the year again, so prepare for forced family time!
Happy holidays! May your egg nog contain enough rum to get you through the Christmas season.
Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you.
The reason why everyone makes wishes every Christmas is that no one’s wish ever comes true! Making Christmas wishes is just a custom! Merry Christmas!
Sweet and twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?
Christmas break to-do list: Eat, drink, nap
Christmas is the time to be with good people. So make a plan to spend the whole Christmas with me. Merry Christmas, love!
Happy Holi-yays!
Every time I see you, I think of Santa. You have so many things in common with that big, fat, silly guy except that long-white beard. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Sending wishes your way for a great holiday season and a super fabulous year ahead!
May you survive the priest’s boring speech in the church and join me at the party as soon as possible. Merry Christmas!
Snowy hair, don’t care. It’s Christmas!
Santa Clause exists, and he has to work during the holidays. How pathetic!
Just wanted you to know that you have literally no chance of ending up on the good list of Santa this year. Merry Christmas to you!
You had me at ho ho ho
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Short Christmas Quotes and Short Christmas Wishes.
Funny Christmas Quotes
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman
“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.” — Ellen Degeneres
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” – P.J. O’Rourke
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” — Larry Wilde
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.” – Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.” — Stephen Jones
“I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.” — Eloisa James
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” — Robert Paul
“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck
“The older I get, the fewer useless gifts I get. The fewer I get, the less I have to wrap to re-gift for next Christmas.” — Robert Rivers
“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.” — Garrison Keillor
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – Catherine Tate
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is
“One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” – Andy Rooney
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” — Andy Borowitz
”Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” — Gary Allan
”The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.” – Robert Staughton Lynd
So that is it for our list of Funny Christmas Wishes and Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one!
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.