Funny Uplifting Quotes to Add Humor to Inspiration

They say laughter is the best medicine, so it makes sense that adding a bit of humor to your positive quotes and sayings is also useful. Which is why we have put together a list of all the best funny uplifting quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny uplifting quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Funny Uplifting Quotes

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.” —S. C. Lourie

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”—Confucius

“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde

“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.” —Florence Nightingale

“Turn every life situation into a positive one.” – Rhonda Byrne

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.” – Chris Rock

“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“You do not find the happy life. You make it.” —Thomas S. Monson

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.” – Zig Ziglar

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

“It’s not your job to be likeable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway.” —Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” – Ricky Gervais

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams

“Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Especially not yourself.” —Mindy Kaling

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh

“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda

“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

“It’s almost always possible to be honest and positive.” – Naval Ravikant

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

“Don’t wait, the time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“Don’t be like the rest of them darling.” —Coco Chanel

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“If you are positive, you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.” – Widad Akrawi

“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

“Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” — Les Brown

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb

“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb

“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

“You never fail until you stop trying.” – Albert Einstein

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain

“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

 “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called “All the Things That Could Go Wrong.” – Marianne Williamson

“Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing. – Karen Salmansohn

“Happiness is not doing fun things. Happiness is doing meaningful things.” – Maxime Lagacé

“Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.” — Vaclav Havel

“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”

“If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

“It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” — Captain Jack Sparrow

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” —Joe Girard

“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka

“oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!” – Tom Lehrer

“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” – Mae West

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl S. Bailey

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” – Lisa Hoffman

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Every morning is a revolution against the darkness.” ― Mehmet Murat Ildan

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

“I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale

“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald

“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz

“You can if you think you can.” – George Reeves

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”– Milton Berle

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

“You have to train your brain to be positive just like you work out your body.” – Shawn Achor

“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” – Albert Einstein

“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” – Lucille Ball

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” — Ethel Barrymore

“Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron

“Once you know who you are, you don’t have to worry anymore.” —Nikki Giovanni

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

“You go in with a positive attitude and stay there.” – Shelley Long

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.  When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I wrote down ‘happy’.  They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” —Katharine Hepburn

“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo

“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Shawshank Redemption

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

“Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” – Gustave Flaubert

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

“Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

“When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

“Finally, FRIDAY! Be easy today! Remember, it’s a job. I know it is how we eat and pay bills and provide health care to our family. But keep it in perspective; get there, do the best job you can, earn your check, and leave it at your desk at 5! Your REAL life begins when you end the workday. Save your emotional energy for that!!” ― Liz Faublas

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

“The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.” – William Hazlitt

“Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

“Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris

“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett

“I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” —Estée Lauder

So that is it for our list of Funny Uplifting Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one for you!

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Thank You Card Messages, Positive Good Morning Messages, You Are Amazing Quotes and Short Inspirational Morning Sayings.