There are so many great Christmas movies to choose from and all of them have some iconic lines that are commonly used. So if you’re looking for a good laugh, we have gathered all the best funny Christmas movie quotes for you to share. And even if you’re looking for some short funny Christmas quotes that aren’t from movies, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Christmas Movie Quotes
Elf
“He’s an angry elf.” – Buddy
“Oh, it’s not a costume. I’m an elf. Well, technically, I’m a human, but I was raised by elves.” – Buddy
“There’s room for everyone on the Nice List!” – Buddy
“I planned out our whole day. First, we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then, to finish, we’ll snuggle.” – Elf
“I’m singing! I’m in a store and I’m singing!” – Buddy
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy
“He must be a South Pole elf.” – Buddy
“SANTA! Oh my God! Santa, here?! I know him! I know him!” – Buddy
“What about Santa’s cookies? I suppose parents eat those, too?” – Buddy
“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” – Buddy answering the phone
“I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed 11 cookies into the VCR.” – Buddy
“You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card.” – Buddy
“You stink! You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa.” – Buddy
“Son of a nutcracker!” – Buddy
“I am a cotton-headed ninny muggins!” – Buddy
“It’s just nice to meet another human who shares my affinity for elf culture.” – Buddy
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.” — The Grinch
“Blast this Christmas music! It’s joyful and triumphant.” — The Grinch
“I could use a little social interaction.” — The Grinch
Am I just eating because I’m bored?” — The Grinch
“Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television.” — The Grinch
That is not a chew toy!” — The Grinch
“Stupid. Ugly. Out of date. This is ridiculous. If I can’t find something nice to wear I’m not going.” — The Grinch
“Cheer up, dude. It’s Christmas.” — The Grinch
“I’m all toasty inside.” — The Grinch
“Tomorrow is Christmas. It’s practically here!” — The Grinch
“Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. Loathe entirely.” — The Grinch
“Holiday who-be what-ee?” — The Grinch
“One man’s toxic sludge is another man’s potpourri.” — The Grinch
“I am the Grinch that stole Christmas… and I’m sorry.” — The Grinch
It’s because I’m green, isn’t it?” — The Grinch
“What is that stench? It’s fantastic.” — The Grinch
“HELP ME…I’m FEELING.” — The Grinch
Home Alone
“Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!” – Kevin
“Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.” – Home Alone 2
“I made my family disappear!” – Kevin
“I’m not afraid anymore! You hear me? I’m not afraid anymore!” – Kevin
“Guys, I’m eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!” – Kevin
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal!” – Gangster in the Movie
“Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?” – Marv
“Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.” – Kevin
“Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi!” – Kevin’s Mom
“This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back?” – Home Alone
“Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?” – Kevin
“Look what you did, you little jerk!” – Uncle Frank
National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
“The Griswold family Christmas tree. A little full, lotta sap.” – Clark
“Bend over and I’ll show you!” – Clark
“Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?” – Todd
“Save the neck for me, Clark!” – Cousin Eddie
“I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.” – Ellen
“If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all.” – Cousin Eddie
“Clark, stop it! I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!” – Ellen
“We’re kicking off our fun, old-fashioned family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.” – Clark
“You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!” – Uncle Lewis
“I’d like to get something for you…something real nice.” – Cousin Eddie
The Santa Clause
“It’s okay, I’m used to it. I lived through the ’60s.” – Bernard
“Does this look like a little weight to you?” – Scott Calvin
“Is that a polar bear directing traffic?” – Scott Calvin
“You killed him!” – Charlie
“I’m in big trouble.” – Scott Calvin
“Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?” – Neal
“You’re flying? Do I look like a cow?” – Scott Calvin
“You put on a little weight. Does this look like a little weight to you?” – Scott
“Well, isn’t that a pretty picture: Santa rolling down the street in a Panzer!” – Neal
“Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing.” – Judy the Elf
A Christmas Story
“Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.” – Ralphie
“I can’t put my arms down!” – Randy
“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” – Ralphie
“My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.” – Ralphie
“Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.” – The Old Man
“I triple dog dare you!” – Flick
“He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.” – The Old Man
“Oh, fudge!” – Ralphie
“Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.” – Randy
“You’ll shoot your eye out!” – Everyone
Scrooged
“You know I like the rough stuff!” – Frank Cross
“It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer.” – Frank Cross
“Do you know how many cats there are in the world? I don’t.” – Ghost of Christmas Past
“I’m alive! And so are you!” – Frank Cross
“Scrape ’em off, Claire.” – Frank Cross
“I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives.” – Frank Cross
“For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people we always hoped we would be.” – Frank Cross
“I must kill all of you.” – Frank Cross
“The bitch hit me with a toaster!” – Frank Cross
“Have you tried staples?” – Frank Cross
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a talking snowman before?” — Sam the Snowman
“A toy is never truly happy until it is loved by a child.” — King Moonracer
A Charlie Brown Christmas
“Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?” —Sally Brown
“I just don’t understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I’m still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.” —Charlie Brown
“It’s not what’s under the Christmas tree that matters, but who’s around it.”
“I never thought it was such a bad little tree. Maybe it just needs a little love.” — Linus Van Pelt
“All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.” —Sally Brown
Die Hard
“Yippee-ki-yay, mother******!” — John McClane
“Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.” — Hans Gruber
Funny Christmas Quotes That Aren’t from Movies
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson
“And I’ll chance a dance beneath the mistletoe.” – Christmas Rappin’, Kurtis Blow
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Will Ferrell, “Elf”
“The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!” – Charles N Barnard
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear
“My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.” – Melanie White
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“We can leave the Christmas lights up ‘til January” – “Lover” Taylor Swift
“It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.” – Anon
“Who’s the bane of Santa’s life? The elf and safety officer.” – Catherine Tate
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.” – Gary Allan
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?” – Matt Groening
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” – Henny Youngman
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” – Kin Hubbard
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz
So that is it for our list of Funny Christmas Movie Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Short Christmas Couple Captions, Short Funny Merry Christmas Message for Friends and Family, Hilarious Christmas Captions and Merry Christmas Sayings for Cards.
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.