We believe that it is possible to be funny and romantic at the same time, which is why we have put together a list of all the best funny Valentine’s Day quotes and for your next post. And if you’re looking for short funny Valentine’s Day messages and sayings for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Valentine’s Day Messages and Sayings
You’re my emergency contact because who else would I trust with my snacks and secrets?
Also, I’m single this year.
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, and the laughter in my heart.
You must be a campfire, because you’re hot and I want s’more.
You’re the only person I would share my snacks with during a zombie apocalypse.
We mermaid for each other!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought you chocolate because I ate yours too!
On Valentine’s Day, it can be difficult to be alone, but it helps to fortify yourself with chocolate, the remote, and a vivid memory of your worst date. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
Our love story: Eat, Sleep, Love, Repeat. Well, mostly eat.
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
Valentine, I’d compare you to the most exclusive wines and caviars, but I don’t like those.
You’re my tweet-heart.
Love you smore – Valentine’s Day Card
If love is blind, our future together must be incredibly bright!
I’ve got my ion you!
I love you to Reese’s pieces.
Love is like a fart – if you have to force it, it’s probably not that great.
Pudgy little baby child with a bow and arrow? No one sees that coming.
Your outfit must be made out of husband/wife material.
I’ll never take you for granite.
You remind me a lot of a keyboard—you’re just my type!
Have a HUGELY Happy Valentine’s Day
Love is being stupid together, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
You’re the ‘perfect match’ to my unique couples mug – stirring up happiness in every sip!
Love is not having to say you’re sorry… until you finish the last piece of chocolate.
I donut know what I’d do without you. I donut want to know. Love you, Sweetie!
I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s why I never wear a tank top.
Love is like a roller coaster, and with you, I’m willing to ride the crazy loops!
Yoda best Valentine.
I love you a whole watt.
What did one ice cream bar say to the other? You make me melt.
I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.
I love you a little s’more every day. You are lip-smackin’ sweetness, Valentine!
Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.
You quack me up.
Valentine’s Day is the only day I’ll willingly get all mushy. Well, that and when pizza is involved.
May all the love you’ve thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way.
You’re the WiFi to my smartphone – I can’t live without you.
Valentine, I pick you. Every single day.
Valentine’s Day is like a fine chocolate – sweet, indulgent, and best enjoyed with you.
Friends who love you, friends who support you… these are the true Valentines.
Our love is like Wi-Fi – sometimes it’s slow, but it’s essential for my happiness!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought chocolates, but I ate them too.
You’re the marshmallow to my hot cocoa—sweet, cozy, and essential for a perfect day.
Be my Boo. Or I’ll be Boo-Hoo! Be mine, Valentine?
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly – a little nutty but totally irresistible!
You stole my heart and now you’re under cardiac arrest.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
You’re the glaze to my donut, the sweet to my heart! Love you, Valentine!
You must be a bowling ball, because you’re right up my alley.
Valentine’s Day: Because love makes even the most mundane activities feel like a romantic comedy.
I love you more than… more than… It would appear I love you more.
Will you say that you’ll be mine? Will you be my Valentine? My hopeful guess is a great big hug with the sweetest, “Yes!”
Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! If we eat Mexican, it will be accompanied by a tooting section.
What do you call the world’s smallest Valentine? A Valen-tiny!
Our love is like a needle. It’s just sew special to me!
Our love is like a good joke – it gets better with time and always leaves us laughing.
Don’t worry about paying rent! You can live inside my heart for free.
They say love is blind, but I’m pretty sure marriage is a real eye-opener!
My love for you is never in vein.
If this Valentine could talk, it would say, “Get me out of this envelope!”
I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving.
You *must* be part magnet, because you always find a way to attract me to you!
You’re my favorite notification – forget Facebook, you’re my constant ‘Heartbook’ update!
I have strong felines for you.
People think we’re aliens, but it’s just because our love is out of this world.
Zoom in. Hold. There. Keep holding…keep holding… Forever is good.
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
If I had to choose between you and a chocolate fountain, it would be a tough call.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day you’ll love! So, candy, candy, candy, candy? Happy Heart Day!
Ewe woolly stole my heart. And it’s shear delight, Babe!
You don’t have to be a locksmith to have the key to my heart.
Relationship status: Eating my feelings in heart-shaped chocolates.
Don’t play heart to get.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
I love you once and flor-al!
Our love is like custom T-shirts – perfectly tailored, unique, and always in style!
You’re shrimp-ly the best.
Orange you glad we met? Your sweet squeezes weaken my kneeses!
Love is like a fine wine; it gets better with time, and a little bit of humor makes it bubbly.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day that’ll make you wag your tail! If you had one.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
You don’t miss a beat.
Are you a router? Because you’re Wi-Fi material.
Love is sharing your popcorn. Bonus points if it’s during a romantic movie, and you still have some left.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my huggy bear from your kissy face. Love you!
I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying a latte!
You stole a pizza my heart! You saucy thing.
You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.
You stole my heart, but don’t worry; I’ll let you keep it because you make it skip a beat anyway!
Unlike the toilet paper, my love for you will never run out. Happy Valentine’s Day Forever!
I wish you a beary Happy Valentines… With all my huggy heart!
I mustache you a question…will you be my Valentine?
I can heart-ly wait to see you.
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, or maybe you’re just the puzzle’s funny shape!
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Some people make your heart go pitter-patter. You make mine dance! Best. Valentine. Ever.
You’re more amazing than sweet tea and Moon Pies.
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, and trust me, I’ve been searching for a while!
You must be glue, because I’m sticking with you.
You must be a car, because I’m head over wheels for you.
You shower me with love, Valentine. My favorite weather!
What did one shoe say to the other? You’re my sole-mate.
Valentine’s Day is the one day a year where it’s perfectly acceptable to eat way too much chocolate. The other 364 days, too.
Good shot, Cupid, good shot. Love you, Valentine!
You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile – then walk into a pole.
This may sound corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
I dig you a hole lot.
Sending you 100% natural, organic love, Valentine! Locally sourced hugs and kisses to follow.
You’re soda-lightful.
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Valentine’s Day Messages, Happy Galentine Quotes, Valentine’s Day Puns, Being Single on Valentine’s Day Quotes, Valentine’s Day Letter Board Quotes and Valentine’s Day Captions.
Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz
“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb
“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
“If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji—no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton
“The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball
“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
“Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz
“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey
“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber
“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein
“So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea. — King Jaffe Joffer
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — The Office
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman
“You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser
“Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” — Pretty Woman
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
“Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black
“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery
So that is it for our list of Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes, Messages and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one!
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.