Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be all romance, adding a laugh or two is never a bad idea. So we have put together a list of all the best Valentine’s Day puns and jokes for your next post. And if you’re looking for short Valentine’s Day captions for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Valentine’s Day Puns
I relish the time we spend together.
Love you a latte.
You give me porpoise, Valentine.
You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.
So mushroom in my heart for you.
Stopping to smell the rosé this Valentine’s Day.
We’ve got great chemistry!
My significant otter.
Are you a 90 degree angle? Because this feels right.
Brie mine.
You’ve stolen a pizza my heart.
You’re soda-lightful.
My heart beets for you.
Our love is like a needle. It’s just sew special to me!
Went from cacti to cactus.
Spending so much koala-ty time together this Valentine’s Day.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
You’re pretty acute, Valentine.
What did one shoe say to the other? You’re my sole-mate.
Don’t worry about paying rent! You can live inside my heart for free.
People think we’re aliens, but it’s just because our love is out of this world.
Muffin can ever come between us.
I’ve got my ion you!
You make me Snicker.
Bee mine, Valentine.
I’ll never leaf you.
You quack me up.
I lichen you a lot.
It takes two to mango.
Unbeerlievable that you’re mine.
I love you to Reese’s pieces.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
I’ll never take you for granite.
Oh deer do I love you!
Seal-ed with a kiss.
Pie like you very much.
You remind me a lot of a keyboard—you’re just my type!
I promise I’ll never desert you.
Just in queso you didn’t know, I love you.
I’m hoppy you’re mine.
No bunny compares to you!
I can’t bear the thought of life without you.
You’re one in a chameleon!
You donut even know how much I love you.
I’m fawned of you.
Thistle be the best day ever.
We’re butter together.
Your outfit must be made out of husband/wife material.
You’re the loaf of my life.
Tortellini in love with you.
You’re my cup of tea, Valentine.
Yoda best Valentine.
Are you copper and tellurium? Because you are Cu Te!
You whisk me off my feet, Valentine.
I dig you a hole lot.
You are juice the sweetest!
You must be glue, because I’m sticking with you.
Are you a router? Because you’re Wi-Fi material.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
My love for you radiates.
Olive you!
Will you be my valentine, you cute-cumber?
I have strong felines for you.
Love you from my head tomatoes.
My life would succ without you.
Love you very matcha.
Only have fries for you.
I can’t espresso how much I love you.
Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
You make miso happy.
I whale always love you.
You *must* be part magnet, because you always find a way to attract me to you!
I ruff you.
I lava you so much!
You’re my bam-boo.
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
You’re shrimp-ly the best.
I am cocoa-nuts about you!
Pine-ing fir you.
Soda-rn cute.
In turtle love with you every day.
You’re my jam.
You must be a bowling ball, because you’re right up my alley.
Will you peas be mine?
You had me at merlot!
You’re all that and dim sum.
What did one ice cream bar say to the other? You make me melt.
I love you once and flor-al!
You must be a car, because I’m head over wheels for you.
Wood you be mine, Valentine?
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
You’re one in a melon.
We bee-long together.
You’re ex-straw-ordinary!
I mustache you a question…will you be my Valentine?
Love you so moss.
Sweet as Pi.
You must be a campfire, because you’re hot and I want s’more.
Been thinking of U periodically.
Owl always love you.
We’re mint to be together.
I’m not lion: You’re my favorite person in the world.
You’re o-fish-ally the best.
I think you are porcu-fine.
You had me at aloe.
You’re mine fur-ever.
Let’s avo-cuddle.
We mermaid for each other!
You are the most perfect arrangement of atoms.
I sulfur when you argon.
We make an amazing pear.
I carrot ton about you, Valentine!
I’m bananas for you. Want to be my Valentine and never split?
I’m so glad I pricked you.
I love you berry much.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
I a-peach-iate you!
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
This may sound corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
All you knead is love.
I love you a whole watt.
What a cu-tea.
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes, Being Single on Valentine’s Day Quotes, Funny Valentine’s Day Letter Board Quotes, Cute Valentine’s Day Messages and Happy Galentine Quotes.
Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes
What did the puzzle say on Valentine’s Day? You complete me.
How did the whale ask the other whale on a Valentine’s date? Whale you be mine?
What did the gardener say to their date? I dig you.
What did the fish say to the other fish? You’re a catch.
When should you ask someone out on a coffee date? When you like them a latte.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butch, Jimmy and Joe. Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who? Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Yes, it’s February 14.
What did the painter tell his girlfriend? I love you with all my art.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Disguise. Disguise who? Disguise is your boy friend!
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day? I turt-ally love you.
What did the closet say to the light bulb? You light up my world.
What did the calculator say to the pencil? You can count on me.
What did the soil say to express its feelings for the rock? I’d settle for you.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.
How do you keep a jewelry store safe on Valentine’s Day? You locket.
What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you berry much.
What do farmers give for Valentine’s Day? Lots of hogs and kisses.
Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards? His heart wasn’t in it.
What’s the best Valentine’s Day dinner? A hearty one.
How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day? For stealing someone’s heart.
What did one bee say to the other? I love bee-ing with you, honey!
What did the man with the broken leg tell his valentine? I have a crutch on you.
Why did you get arrested on purpose on Valentine’s Day? So I could say I got cuffed.
How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day? A choco-LOT!
Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine’s Day? He thought it was the purrfect present.
What did the salt say to the pepper on Valentine’s Day? Oooh baby, baby. Baby, baby. (That one’s for the dads raised in the ’80s.)
Why did the syrup give the waffle a Valentine’s Day ultimatum? It was waffling on their relationship status.
What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? Be my Valen-slime!
What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive.
What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day? We’re a perfect match.
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day? I’m stuck on you!
How do you put a flower in the friend zone? You tell it, ‘You’re my best bud.’
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like a big kiss?
What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day? You’re purr-fect for me.
What do you tell a pig on February 14? Happy Valen-swine’s Day!
How did the squirrel get his valentine’s attention? He acted like a nut.
How did the squirrel save money for a Valentine’s gift? It squirreled it away.
If Q and T were dating, their celebrity couple name would be Cutie.
What did one sheep say to the other on February 14? I love ewe.
What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium? Guppy love.
Why should you date a goalie? He’s a keeper.
What’s Cupid’s favorite band? Kiss!
What did the snail say on Valentine’s Day when his call went to voicemail? I just crawled to say I love you.
What did one oar tell the other oar? This is so row-mantic!
What do you call a very small Valentine? A valen-tiny.
What did the scientist say to their valentine? I think of you periodically.
Why shouldn’t you trust a pastry chef on Valentine’s Day? Because they’ll dessert you.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Don. Don who? Don go breaking my heart.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring!
The date on this milk is February 14. Wait, even the milk has a Valentine’s date?
I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed.
What did the mushroom say to the other mushroom? I love you very mush.
What do you call a ghost’s sweetheart? A ghoul-friend.
What did the cucumber say to the pickle? You mean a great dill to me.
What did the car say to the tire? Wheel you be my valentine?
What do you give your valentine in France? A big quiche.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ever let me go.
How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day? If it’s love at first bite.
Where do you find love in a grocery store? Aisle B… there for you.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bea. Bea who? Bea my Valentine!
What do you call sweets that can keep a beat? Candy rappers.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be mine!
What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time? Choco-late.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you!
If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What did one watermelon say to the other? You’re one in a melon!
Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A calendar.
What did the ghost say to his valentine? You look so BOOtiful.
Funny Valentine’s Day Captions for Instagram
Happiness is a drug. And I want to be your dealer.
Here’s to being my emergency contact.
You are the ‘he’ to my ‘heartbeats’.
I’m glad we both swiped right.
Thank you, Tinder.
It wasn’t love at first sight, but we turned out okay.
We go together like COPY & PASTE.
I would download you anytime.
Life isn’t perfect, but we are.
Happy co-dependence day!
Pizza is my favorite food, but my favorite you is you.
I think I’m nuts for you. Either that or I’m just plain nuts.
My heart goes boom when you are in the room.
It’s not easy being perfect…like us.
This one’s mine! Touch and you’re a goner!
You are the butter to my bread, and the breath to my life.
I love you, dumb dumb.
If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.
Sugar and spice, that’s us.
We go together like cupcakes and frosting.
You make my heart go boom!
We are badasses with good asses!
We’re our own kind of awkward.
Us weirdos gotta stick together.
I love you so much, I’ll even cook.
Thanks for being so good at killing spiders.
You are the ‘she’ to my ‘nanigans’.
My favorite person to text…57 times a day.
You’re the only person I would share my snacks with.
I don’t care if you’re sick. I’ll kiss you because you’re worth catching a cold over.
Can’t keep calm when we’re this crazy in love!
Two peas in a pod.
Nothing to see here, just the world’s cutest couple, move along.
Like peanut butter and jelly.
We’re nuts about each other!
There isn’t anything I need but you and maybe a cheeseburger.
We look at each other like how we look at chocolate cake.
I fell in love with you the first time you laughed at my jokes.
When we’re together I hear music, or is it just ringing in my ears?
I’ll be annoying her for the rest of her life.
My heart beats faster when I’m near you, or is it the coffee?
We go together like MILK & COOKIE.
You’re my favorite flavor.
The king and the queen. Bow before us!
You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it.
I think you’re lacking vitamin mE.
Here’s our submission for the cutest couple award.
You’re my life hack!
I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.
We go together like hot sauce and everything.
So that is it for our list of Valentine’s Day Puns, Jokes and Captions. We hope you found the perfect one!
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.