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100 Short Funny Work Quotes to Add Humor to the Office

At work, we sometimes need a smile or a little humor to release the stress and demands of the workplace. Funny chats and entertaining humor make our workplace a bit livelier and we think that when it comes to work quotes funny ones are the best. We’ve compiled a hilarious list of funny work quotes and funny sayings about work.

Maybe you’re anxious because of a deadline or tired of looking at the same workplace scenes every day. Or maybe you’re just grumpy since you had to switch out of your PJs and slip into proper office attire today. Or perhaps it’s just MONDAY! We all know how Mondays are…

No matter how you’re feeling or how complex your work has been, this list of funny job quotes is the quickest way to lift your spirits and cheer you up.

Our Favorite Funny Work Quotes

“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

Town and mountains with funny work quotes by Nielsen

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.​” — Homer Simpson

“It’s bad luck to begin work on Fridays.” – Southern Mothers

Hiking looking at mountains wtih funny Friday work quotes by Southern mothers

“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?​”  — Kin Hubbard

“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino

Funny Inspirational Work Quotes

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown

Mountains and lake with funny inspirational quotes for work by Brown

“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash

“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” – Frank Zappa

Beach at sunset with funny inspirational quotes for work by Frank Zappa

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Short Teamwork Quotes, Hard Work Quotes and Inspirational Work Quotes.

Short Funny Quotes About Work

“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia

Mountains with short funny quotes about work by Elisia

“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman

“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

“Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn

“I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks

City at sunrise wtih funny work from home quotes by Hincks

“Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi

“Wake up and get ready just like you’re going to work. If you stay in your slippers all day you will not be as productive.” — Elijah Schneider

“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams

“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner

“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card

“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer

“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner

Funny Office Humor

“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”​ — Albert Einstein

“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.​” — David Letterman

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali

“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan

“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

Hiker with funny quotations about work by Girard

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley

“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret

“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard

“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy

“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” — Junior Seau

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

Clouds with funny motivational work quotes by herold

“Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar

“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.” — Dave Barry

“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” — Larry Winget

“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier

“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner

“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley

“Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle

“Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy

“Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith

River and trees with funny quotes about hard work by Smith

“Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning. Once it does, it becomes the kind of thing that makes you grab your wife around the waist and dance a jig.” — Malcolm Gladwell

“A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren

“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —

Frederick Douglass

“Hard work pays off if you’re patient enough to see it through.” – Michael Chandler

Hiker on cliff with hard work pays off quotes by Chandler

“Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson

“If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo

“I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.” — Larry Bird

Funny Quotes About the Workplace

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller

Lake and beach with funny quotes about he workplace by Diller

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey

“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty

“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” — Steven Alexander Wright

“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather

“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.​” — Stanley J. Randall

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis

“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing

Hiker on cliff with funny coworker quotes by Ewing

“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson

“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleges and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children.” — Alan Alda

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson

“Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” — Scott Adams

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash

“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.” — Bill Watterson

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

City at sunrise with funny quotes for work by Bombeck

“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller

“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr

“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem

“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” — Chris Rock

“Many of life’s failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw

“It’s called “teamwork” but most of the time it’s everyone sitting around until one man does all the work.” — Thomas Wilbur

“Teamwork – A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.” — Larry Kersten

“Remember teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.” — Patrick Lencioni

“On this team, we’re all united in a common goal: to keep my job.” — Lou Holtz

Mountain peaks with inspirational funny teamwork quotes by Holtz

“One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain’t nothing can beat teamwork.” — Edward Abbey

“A group is a bunch of people in an elevator. A team is also a bunch of people in an elevator, but the elevator is broken!” — Bonnie Edelstein

“No team works out teamwork.” — Dwyane Wade

“Teachers call it copying. We call it ‘teamwork’.” — A Student

“Sure, there’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is an ‘m’ and an ‘e’.” – Kevin Myers

Plane wing, clouds and sunset with short funny quotes about teamwork by Myers

“If you take out the team in teamwork, it’s just work. Now who wants that?” — Matthew Woodring Stover

“You think it’s dumb when someone says there’s no ‘I’ in team, but you stick one in there and you see how dumb that looks.” — Brendan Kiely

“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” — Stephen Hawking

“Tough times don’t last, tough teams do.” — Robert Schuller

Funny Quotes for the Work Week

“Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater

“Mondays are a lot like getting fat. They make you feel sad, sometimes angry and there is not much scope for liking either fat or Mondays for any reason.” — Garry Moll

“The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter

“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.” — Julio Alexi Genao

“There are two tests in life, more important than any other test. On Monday morning, when you wake up, do you feel in the pit of your stomach you can’t wait to go to work? And when you’re ready to go home Friday afternoon, do you say, ‘I can’t wait to go home?’” — Chuck Schumer

“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz

“Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” — Neil Leckman

“Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, halfway through your work week!” – Kate Summers

Man on mountain with Tuesday funny quotes for work by Kate Summers

“Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” — Todd Stocker

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” — George Weah

“I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” — Jack L. Warner

“Wednesday can only dream of becoming Thursday.” — Anthony T.

“On Wednesday they’re feelin’ fine again, And they’re workin’ like a dog and diggin’ in.” — Johnny Cash

“Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long” — Nicci French

“When people refer to ‘Back in the Day,’ it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.” — Dane Cook

“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert

“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward

“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones

“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson

Funny Work Sayings

“Sometimes I spend the whole meeting wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.”

“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”

“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”

“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”

“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”

Sunrise on lake with funny sayings about work

“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”​

“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!”

“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.”

“Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.”

“You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.”

“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.​”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”

“And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.”

“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”

Sunrise with short funny work sayings

“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.”

“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”

“The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.”

“The hardest work of all is to do nothing.”

“It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.”

So there you have it! We hope you found the quote you were looking for.

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Mountains at sunrise with funny work quotes for pinterest
Woman holding up a clear chunk of ice on the beach

About the Author

Laynni Locke

I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.

And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.

With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.

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