100 Short Funny Family Quotes and Sayings

Families can be amazing, annoying and crazy all at the same time, and we love them for it! It’s a bond that continues through generations, so why not make them remember your wit and humor with these short funny family quotes? We’ve rounded up the best which including short funny family sayings.

Short Funny Family Quotes for Instagram

“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” — Harry Morgan

“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.” — Jeff Foxworthy

“I think togetherness is an important ingredient of family life.” — Barbara Bush

“There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.” — Herbert V. Prochnow

“All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.” — W.C. Fields

“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.” — Erma Bombeck

“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.” — Martin Mull

“Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” — Stitch

“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.” — Shailene Woodley

“If you don’t believe in ghosts, you’ve never been to a family reunion.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

“The world, we’d discovered, doesn’t love you like your family loves you.” — Louis Zamperini

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” — Bill Cosby

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.” — Ralph Bus

“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?” — Robert Brault

“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.” — Maxime Lagacé

“Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.” — Robert Frost

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance – waiting for the bathroom.” — Bob Hope

“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.” — Douglas Adams

“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.” — Marcelina Hardy

“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.” — Anthony Anderson

“One day you will do things for me that you hate. That is what it means to be family.” — Jonathan Safran Foer

“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” — George Carlin

“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.” — Nancy Mitford

“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.” — Emo Phillips

“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.” — Gracie Allen

“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.” — Earl Wilson

“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.” — Margaret Laurence

“There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more…secure.” — Jim Butcher

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“Family is just an accident. They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.” — Marsha Norman

“I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger.” — August Wilson

“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get–my–own–show funny.” — Nick Kroll

“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.” — Penelope Lombard

“Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” — Evan Esar

“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two – thirds incontinent.” — Robert Brault

“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.” — Robert Brault

“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.” — H. L. Mencken

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” — Erma Bombeck

“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” — Cary Grant

“Every family has that one crazy person in it. If you’re missing one I seem to have a few extras.” — Unknown

“Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.” — Elizabeth II

“Being crazy isn’t enough.” — Dr. Seuss

“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.” — Wayne Huizenga

“It’s hard to give up the self—esteem connected to being codependent and appearing ‘right,’ which is probably survival behavior learned from growing up in a crazy family. It feels like you will actually disappear.” — Melody Beattie

“No one wants to rattle the cage of a “crazy” person whose family tends to snap.” — Nicole Gulla

“Where to look if you’ve lost your mind?” — Bernard Malamud

“We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.” — Samuel Beckett

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Inspirational Family Quotes, Wife Captions, Daughter Captions, Son Captions and Baby Captions.

Funny Family Quotes

“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” — George Santayana

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.” — Anthony Brandt

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” — Alex Haley

“If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you’ll be going, ‘you know, we’re alright. We are dang near royalty.” — Jeff Foxworthy

“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” — Desmond Tutu

“Looks like my crazy family Is down one crazy daughter cause I’m shipwrecked in a desert that Once was underwent just Looking for a swift turn of phrase Some colors to fly As I float by In the parade.” — Ani DiFranco

“To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.” — Barbara Bush

“Family is a lifejacket in the stormy sea of life.” – J.K. Rowling

“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family.” — Lee Iacocca

“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.” — Ugo Betti

“The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” — Bill Vaughan

“All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” — Leo Tolstoy

“Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.” — Erma Bombeck

“If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable – each segment distinct.” — Letty Cottin Pogrebin

“Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future.” — Gail Buckley

“You don’t have to be defined or confined by your environment, by your family circumstances, and certainly not by your race or gender.” — Mariah Carey

“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?” — Jeff Lindsay

“Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters, and of family disagreements.” — Queen Elizabeth II

“The family – that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.” — Dodie Smith

“The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.” — Bertrand Russell

“We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.” — Meg Cabot

“To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order; we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” — Confucius

“Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back.” — Mignon McLaughlin

“Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.” — Rick Riordan

“I had no blood relatives till I made some.” — Andy Dick

“One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.” — Euripides

“Fate chooses our relatives, we choose our friends.” — Jacques Delille

“Everything is relative except relatives, and they are absolute.” — Alfred Stieglitz

“I enjoy slaughtering beasts, and I think of my relatives constantly.” — Roger Zelazny

“Never stay with friends or relatives. You end up living on their schedules.” — Jamie Farr

“When in doubt, you bring in relatives. Nepotism is a part of my work.” — Garry Marshall

“Feel what you feel, know what you know, and set your relatives free to do the same.” — Melody Beattie

“I’ve never been a fan of loans between relatives or friends. They can divide relationships.” — Jean Chatzky

“Eating well, being around the table with the family or friends or relatives – it doesn’t get any better.” — Lidia Bastianich

“When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.” — George Bernard Shaw

“We want to do one thing and do it really well. For us, that’s communications between people who are friends and relatives.” — Jan Koum

“Blood relatives often have nothing to do with family, and similarly, family is about who you choose to make your life with.” — Oliver Hudson

“Some people are your relatives but others are your ancestors, and you choose the ones you want to have as ancestors. You create yourself out of those values.” — Ralph Ellison

“Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we’ve put it in an impossible situation.” — Margaret Mead

“In time of test, family is best.” — Burmese Proverb

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” — Michael J. Fox

“A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.” – Robert A. Heinlein

“Remember as far as anyone knows we’re a nice, normal family.” — Homer Simpson

“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.” — Fred Allen

“I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.” — Wanda Sykes

“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” — Buddy Hackett

“Bleeding ulcers run in my family. We give them to each other.” — Lois McMaster Bujold

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close – knit family in another city.” — George Burns

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” — George Bernard Shaw

“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” — Ogden Nash

“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.” — Jerry Seinfeld

“The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” — Marge Kennedy

“I can get up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and my family can look at me too and that’s all that matters.” — Lance Armstrong

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long—term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler

“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.” — Delia Ephron

“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard

Funny Family Sayings

“In our family, normal is so overrated.”

“My family is temperamental. Half temper, half mental.”

“We are more than family. We are like a really small gang.”  

“Our family is just one tent away from a full—blown Circus.”

“Pets are like family, except you actually get to choose them.”

“Family: A little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud and a whole lot of love.”

“Our family’s favorite pastime is trying to convince others we are normal.”

“In my family, crazy doesn’t skip a generation.”

“Your family’s love is the rock that holds you steady during the storm.”

“You can not choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls!”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close—knit family in another city.”

“Good News: The holidays are about family. Bad News: It has to be your own family.”

“I smile because you’re my family…. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“I saw a store that has a sign that reads “We treat you like family!” Yup, not going in there.”

“Family is like pizza. It’s messy, might give you a stomachache, and you can’t get enough of it.”

“When neighbors see my extended family all get together, they think, “Welp, there goes the neighborhood.”

“Families are like fudge – mostly sweet, with a few nuts.”

“Strangers think I’m great. My friends think I’m eccentric. My family knows that I am completely insane!”

“If you want to call a family meeting, just turn off the Wi—Fi router and wait in the room in which it is located.”

“The LEE family has really been stressing me out! Perhaps know them? Emotional Lee, Mental Lee, Physical Lee and lets not forget, Financial Lee!”

“We’re loud and proud; when we get together there’s a crowd. When it comes to my extended family, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“This family is sassy, not classy.”

“Family is the heart of a home.”

“Our shared family trait is crazy.”

“It only takes two to make a family.”

“Some call it chaos we call it family.”

“This family is stuck with glue and DNA.”

“The bigger the family, the greater the crazy.”

“Caller ID was invented for family screening.”

“I could never leave my family, they’d find me.”

“Family gives you the roots to stand tall and strong.”

“Well, that escalated quickly” is our family motto.”        

“The bigger your family, the bigger your problems.”

“FAMILY: We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.”

“Family is like that annoying itch you can’t scratch.”

“If you think I’m crazy wait till you meet my family.”

“This family is one clown short of a three—ring circus.”

“Family is a gift that came without a receipt. No takebacks.”

“You cannot choose your family, but you can send them to voicemail.”

“This family runs on love, laughter, and several Happy Meals a week.”

“So glad this family is on my side, because they would make terrifying enemies.”

Well, that’s our list! We hope we’ve helped you find the best funny short family quote you were looking for.

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