Short Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Quotes and Sayings

Valentine’s Day may be a day for love and romance but it can also include some laughter as well, so we have put together a list of all the best short funny Happy Valentine’s Day quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny Happy Valentine’s Day sayings, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Short Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Quotes and Sayings

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball

“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton

Relationship status: Eating my feelings in heart-shaped chocolates.

You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, and trust me, I’ve been searching for a while!

Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.

You must be a campfire, because you’re hot and I want s’more.

Roses are red, I hate Miley Cyrus, stay alert, control the virus.

Valentine, I’d compare you to the most exclusive wines and caviars, but I don’t like those.

You must be a bowling ball, because you’re right up my alley.

Roses are red violets are blue, I’m allergic to flowers, achoo!

I’ve got my ion you!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I want to order pizza, And watch Netflix with you.

Red rose with funny quotes for him on Valentines by Bryant

I love you a whole watt.

“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan

You stole my heart, but don’t worry; I’ll let you keep it because you make it skip a beat anyway!

Roses are red, violets are blue, white wine costs less than a dinner for two.

You’re the marshmallow to my hot cocoa—sweet, cozy, and essential for a perfect day.

 What do you call the world’s smallest Valentine? A Valen-tiny!

Love is sharing your popcorn. Bonus points if it’s during a romantic movie, and you still have some left.

You’re my emergency contact because who else would I trust with my snacks and secrets?

Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.

I mustache you a question…will you be my Valentine?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought chocolates, but I ate them too.

”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein

We mermaid for each other!

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen

Roses are red, and apples are, too, but violets are violet, violets aren’t blue.

If I had to choose between you and a chocolate fountain, it would be a tough call.

Roses are red, the earth is wide, you’d look much better with me by your side.

My love for you is never in vein.

I have strong felines for you.

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

Roses are red, I’m going to bed.

Sending you 100% natural, organic love, Valentine! Locally sourced hugs and kisses to follow.

 Be my Boo. Or I’ll be Boo-Hoo! Be mine, Valentine?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t rhyme, banana.

I love you more than… more than… It would appear I love you more.

“The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud

May all the love you’ve thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way.

Roses are red, Jedi play tricks, execute Order 66

You stole my heart and now you’re under cardiac arrest.

Roses are red, violets are blue, there’s always someone who’s better than you.

Our love is like custom T-shirts – perfectly tailored, unique, and always in style!

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not bloody blue.

Roses are red, violets are blue, these jokes are getting old, and so are you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s why I never wear a tank top.

I donut know what I’d do without you. I donut want to know. Love you, Sweetie!

You don’t miss a beat.

You stole a pizza my heart! You saucy thing.

You’re the ‘perfect match’ to my unique couples mug – stirring up happiness in every sip!

Unlike the toilet paper, my love for you will never run out. Happy Valentine’s Day Forever!

“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery

Roses are red, violets are blue, coffee is bitter, and so are you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, a face like yours, belongs in a zoo.

Roses are red, violets are yellow, I’m hoping this poem will get me a fellow.

“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham

You remind me a lot of a keyboard—you’re just my type!

I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying a latte!

Roses are red, violets are blue, TL;DR, They differ in hue.

Valentine’s Day is like a fine chocolate – sweet, indulgent, and best enjoyed with you.

Roses are red, violets are glorious, never surprise Oscar Pistorious.

You don’t have to be a locksmith to have the key to my heart.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born smart, What happened to you?

Happy Valentine’s Day to my huggy bear from your kissy face. Love you!

“Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz

Valentine’s Day is the only day I’ll willingly get all mushy. Well, that and when pizza is involved.

I dig you a hole lot.

I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.

You’re the glaze to my donut, the sweet to my heart! Love you, Valentine!

“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde

Roses are red, violets are blue, you were my brother, Anakin, I loved you.

Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.

If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am the walrus, Coo coo ka-chu.

Roses are red, violets are blue, for the sake of this rhyme, for once in life; I’ll visit Peru.

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

Our love story: Eat, Sleep, Love, Repeat. Well, mostly eat.

You’re the only person I would share my snacks with during a zombie apocalypse.

You’re my tweet-heart.

R4 is red, R2 is blue, if I were the force, I would be with you.

You shower me with love, Valentine. My favorite weather!

Roses are red, violets are red, everything’s red, oh no the garden is on fire!

Ewe woolly stole my heart. And it’s shear delight, Babe!

Also, I’m single this year.

Roses are red, My screen is blue, I think I deleted system32.

Your outfit must be made out of husband/wife material.

Roses are red, violets are blue, In Soviet Russia, poem writes you.

“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is not having to say you’re sorry… until you finish the last piece of chocolate.

You’re the WiFi to my smartphone – I can’t live without you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, What comes first? egg or chicken?, Sorry sir, I don’t have a clue.

Love is being stupid together, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Roses are red, violets are blue, but I wouldn’t know, I don’t get them from you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I lost the game, now so did you.

You *must* be part magnet, because you always find a way to attract me to you!

You quack me up.

Are you a router? Because you’re Wi-Fi material.

What did one shoe say to the other? You’re my sole-mate.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re a man, I’m a woman, You know what to do!

If this Valentine could talk, it would say, “Get me out of this envelope!”

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a cougar, how old are you?

Love is like a fart – if you have to force it, it’s probably not that great.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, My mom’s TikTok dance, Is cooler than you.

Zoom in. Hold. There. Keep holding…keep holding… Forever is good.

Roses are red, violets are blue, poetry is hard. Avocado.

You’re more amazing than sweet tea and Moon Pies.

Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.

You must be a car, because I’m head over wheels for you.

Good shot, Cupid, good shot. Love you, Valentine!

People think we’re aliens, but it’s just because our love is out of this world.

“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan

Our love is like Wi-Fi – sometimes it’s slow, but it’s essential for my happiness!

Wishing you a Valentine’s Day you’ll love! So, candy, candy, candy, candy? Happy Heart Day!

“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz

 Pudgy little baby child with a bow and arrow? No one sees that coming.

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah

Wishing you a Valentine’s Day that’ll make you wag your tail! If you had one.

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber

Roses are red, violets are blue, pros use Gmail, nerds use Yahoo.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Please keep your flowers, And your poems, too.

Love is like a fine wine; it gets better with time, and a little bit of humor makes it bubbly.

Roses are red, violets are blue, your phone is smart, so why aren’t you?

You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, and the laughter in my heart.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Yoda best Valentine.

Roses are red, but violets aren’t blue. They’re purple, you dope. Now go get a clue.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you are nothing but a Panda, If you don’t know Kung Fu.

Don’t play heart to get.

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF, All my base belongs to you.

You’re the peanut butter to my jelly – a little nutty but totally irresistible!

“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han

Roses are red, Pennies are copper, Predator is loose, get to the chopper.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought you chocolate because I ate yours too!

Roses are red, violets are blue, that’s what they say, but it just isn’t true.

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

Roses are red violets are blue you’re a psycho but I still love you.

Roses are red, my name is Dave, This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

This may sound corny, but you are a-maize-ing.

Orange you glad we met? Your sweet squeezes weaken my kneeses!

”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens

I love you a little s’more every day. You are lip-smackin’ sweetness, Valentine!

Roses are red, relationships are tough, the reason I love you, is we hate the same stuff.

Some people make your heart go pitter-patter. You make mine dance! Best. Valentine. Ever.

Valentine, I pick you. Every single day.

You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile – then walk into a pole.

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen

Love is like a roller coaster, and with you, I’m willing to ride the crazy loops!

If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.

You’re my favorite notification – forget Facebook, you’re my constant ‘Heartbook’ update!

“Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato

Roses are red, Violets are blue, This card was expensive, Take off all your clothes.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Our love is like a good joke – it gets better with time and always leaves us laughing.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’d rather be single, Than with someone like you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, measles are bad, and polios too.

Roses are red, so is the state. Will you be my comrade, because you are great?

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office

Roses are red violets are blue, I hate poetry but I’m into you.

Roses are red, violets are too, I’m colorblind, what about you?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m a pack yak, Baroo baroo.

You must be a geologist because you rock my world.

I love you to Reese’s pieces.

Valentine’s Day: Because love makes even the most mundane activities feel like a romantic comedy.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You snore like a bear, But I’m still into you.

“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera

Roses are red, Violets are blue, ‘Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2.’

I love you once and flor-al!

What did one ice cream bar say to the other? You make me melt.

You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.

Don’t worry about paying rent! You can live inside my heart for free.

They say love is blind, but I’m pretty sure marriage is a real eye-opener!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.

You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, or maybe you’re just the puzzle’s funny shape!

Roses are red, violets are blue, sorry to say I’m not into you.

If love is blind, our future together must be incredibly bright!

Sunset over clouds with Valentine’s Quotes for girlfriend by Schulz

I can heart-ly wait to see you.

Our love is like a needle. It’s just sew special to me!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m unoriginal, This is all I can do.

Roses are blue, and violets are red, Please reverse what I just said.

You must be glue, because I’m sticking with you.

“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be single, than with someone like you.

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken

Roses are blue, violets are red, I’m no good at colours, but I’m brilliant in bed.

“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” — Pretty Woman

Have a HUGELY Happy Valentine’s Day

“You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser

“So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea. — King Jaffe Joffer

I wish you a beary Happy Valentines… With all my huggy heart!

Roses are red, violets are blue, I am obsessed, and I’m stalking you!

Friends who love you, friends who support you… these are the true Valentines.

You’re shrimp-ly the best.

Love you smore – Valentine’s Day Card

If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

You’re soda-lightful.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I can’t believe you’re a monkey too.

I’ll never take you for granite.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m unoriginal, this is all I can do.

“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason

Roses are red, violets are blue, You look like a donkey and smell like one, too.

“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

So that is it for our list of Short Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Funny Roses are Red Poems, Valentine Quotes for Kids, Short Love Quotes for Him, Valentine Chalk Board Art Ideas and Short Valentine’s Day Letter Board Quotes.