Short Hilarious Sayings to Make Them Laugh

Laughter makes the world go round, or something like that, so on that topic we have put together a list of all the best short hilarious sayings for you to share. And if you’re looking for short hilarious sayings for Instagram, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Short Hilarious Sayings

My working hours are highly conditional.

Only minor arguments were had in the making of this photo.

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

Per my last email, I already answered that.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Salads are great, but have you tried garlic bread?

I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

Zero flakes given.

I’m not a backup plan, and I’m definitely not a second choice.

Blame it on the roots.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Sarcasm is our second language, and we are both completely fluent.

Boy, bye. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Reality called, so I hung up.

I’m 99% angel, but oh, that 1%…

If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it.

My vibe is strictly professional, mostly savage.

Out of office, out of mind.

Please refer to the attached document.

I’m not mean, I’m just honest and you can’t handle the truth.

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me.

I’m selective about who I reply to.

We inherited the good looks and the bad tempers.

You know too much. We are officially stuck together for life.

A collective unit of bad ideas and great laughs.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

I have a clean desk policy: everything goes in the drawer.

I’m the main character, and you’re just a background actor.

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Stay mad.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.

I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.

You’re annoying, but I’ve decided to keep you around.

Same blood, same attitude, different levels of patience.

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.

Double trouble, single brain cell.

Nothing ruins a Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

Working hard or hardly working? Both.

Next, please.

We clean up nicely, but it only lasts for about four seconds.

This is my Tuesday face.

We clean up nicely, but it only lasts for about ten minutes.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

Fueled by iced coffee and spite.

Caffeine before compliance.

I’d love to help, but I don’t want to.

The dream team (if the dream is a bit disorganized).

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I do my best proofreading after I hit send.

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

In this family, “normal” is just a setting on the dryer.

Finding friends with the exact same mental wavelength is a dangerous thing.

Regular level of weirdness was not an option for this friendship.

Vibe check: Highly chaotic.

I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Good thing our love for each other is stronger than our competitive streaks.

The sanity left the room right before the flash went off.

I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

I run on caffeine and deadline anxiety.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re finished.

I don’t get paid enough for this drama.

Don’t study me, you won’t graduate.

I’m the view, you’re just the spectator.

I’m the reason the thermostat is set so high.

Real friends don’t judge you; they judge other people with you.

My circle is so small I’m almost talking to myself.

Standard of excellence.

My daily exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

I don’t chase, I replace.

This is our “we’re pretending to get along for the camera” face.

We look normal from a distance, but up close, it’s a different story.

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

I love that I don’t have to socially mask when I’m around you.

Keep dreaming.

The original crew.

We look normal from a distance.

This is our “we’re pretending to be functional adults” face.

My calendar is full of avoiding you.

I don’t dress for the job, I dress to intimidate.

If we were on a sinking ship, I’d share my door with you. Rose was selfish.

I can multi-task: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.

I’m a people person. Just not today.

This is as coordinated as we will ever get.

I don’t need an inspirational quote, I need a vacation from stupid people.

I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness.

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

My circle is so small I’m practically talking to myself. Glad you’re here.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.

My circle is so small I’m almost talking to myself.

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me.

Boss babe energy.

Sweeter than honey, colder than ice.

The main characters.

I’m not a snack, I’m the whole damn meal.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re finished.

I’m not available for your emergencies.

I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

I’m a unique snowflake. Just like everyone else.

Pass the genetic testing; I have some questions.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I’m a people person. Just not today.

I need a six-month vacation, twice a year.

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

I’m not perfect, but my eyebrows are.

My back hurts from carrying this team.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

Pure unfiltered energy.

Loudest table in the restaurant, guaranteed.

They only smiled because I threatened to take away the Wi-Fi.

Chaos coordinators.

My life is a movie and you’re just an extra who got cut.

Do not disturb, I’m thriving.

Outnumbered, outvoted, and out of coffee.

Bloodline check.

I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.

My mute button is my best friend.

The package deal.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

A little bit of crazy, a little bit of loud, and a whole lot of love.

Proof that we can stand still for exactly three seconds.

Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories.

I dress to impress myself, everyone else is just lucky to see it.

Core memory crew, mostly consisting of questionable choices.

I’m the main character of this cubicle.

I don’t follow rules, I set trends.

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.

I’m not aggressive, I’m just assertive.

I have a clean desk policy: everything goes in the drawer.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

Adulting is just saying “next week should be calmer” over and over again.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

You’re not even worth a text back.

I like my coffee how I like myself: bitter, dark, and too hot for you.

I like you because you tolerate my existence on a daily basis.

We are the definition of a package deal. Sorry to everyone else.

The sanity left the room the second we all walked in.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

My brain has too many tabs open.

Cc’ing your manager just in case.

Maximum volume, always.

Your opinion of me doesn’t pay my bills.

My vibe is expensive, you can’t afford it.

Team no sleep.

Nobody will ever be as entertained by us as us.

I’m just here to fund my lifestyle.

I followed my heart and it led me to the fridge.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have snacks.

This meeting could have been a text.

Reality called, so I hung up.

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Too hot to handle.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Shine bright like the diamond I am.

Mostly harmless.

Glad we both hate the same things.

We go together like coffee and late-night regrets.

I can multi-task: I can listen, ignore, and forget at the same time.

I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I love you guys, but I’m still the favorite child.

Confidence level: Selfie with no filter.

Chosen by fate.

I’m the asset, you’re the liability.

I’m a functional adult, but the function is malfunctioning.

I broke my rules for you, and you still managed to disappoint me.

I speak fluent sarcasm and workplace compliance.

Maximum volume, minimum restraint.

I’ll get back to you never.

I’m fluent in corporate speak and sarcasm.

They say good things take time, which is why I’m always late.

Dynamic genetics.

Ride or die (or nap).

Not your babe.

Outnumbered by our own thoughts, outvoted by the group chat.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.

I need a raise just for showing up.

I have it all together. I just forgot where I put it.

I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

Remember, if we get caught, you are the ones who started it.

I have it all together. I just forgot where I put it.

I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

My favorite people to borrow clothes from without asking.

Clearly, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree—it just rolled a bit.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.

My mascara is too expensive to cry over your stupid mistakes.

Linked by DNA, stayed for the home-cooked meals.

Adulting is just saying “next week should be calmer” over and over again.

There is no “we” in fries.

Partner in crime. Literally.

I’m a unique snowflake. Just like everyone else.

Salads are great, but have you tried garlic bread?

Tribe of favorites, enemies of peace and quiet.

My family’s love language is just speaking loudly over one another.

Born to stand out, not to fit in.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing.

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

I’m off the clock and out of patience.

I have a good heart, but this mouth has no filter.

We put the “fun” in dysfunctional.

I’m the prize, don’t forget it.

I love the sound of you shutting up.

Mic drop.

I’m a functional adult, but the function is malfunctioning.

I need a vacation from this Monday.

I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

I’m not weird. I’m a limited edition.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

The CEO of minding my own business.

I survived another pointless meeting.

Officially carrying on the tradition of overthinking everything.

My daily exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.

Another day, another spreadsheet.

I’m just nodding to be polite.

I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.

We don’t share shoes, but we share a strange sense of humor.

Catch flights, not feelings.

Too glam to give a damn.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

My patience is thinner than the office toilet paper.

You sound better when your mouth is closed.

I’m not weird. I’m a limited edition.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

You look like my next mistake, and I love making mistakes.

The legacy continues, and it is highly chaotic.

Can we get a headcount? Someone might have wandered off.

Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.

Cancel my subscription to your issues.

Pretending to work is exhausting.

Highly unfiltered.

No filter needed for this mess.

There is no “we” in fries.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

Flawless and lawless.

Non-negotiable human.

So that is it for our list of Short Hilarious Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!

Pin it for later!