Birthdays are all about having fun and sharing some laughs, so we have put together a list of all the best funny birthday quotes for your next post. And if you’re looking for short funny birthday sayings for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Birthday Quotes
“If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.” — George Burns
“Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” — Ogden Nash
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” — Doris Day
“The first hundred years are the hardest.” — Wilson Mizner
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” — Dave Barry
“Today is the oldest you have been, and the youngest you will ever be. Make the most of it!” — Nicky Gumbel
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” — Steven Wright
“If life is a birthday cake let my face be smeared with its icing of cognac and kindness.” – Aberjhani
“Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60.” — Joan Rivers
“You’ve won.” — Stevie Budd, Schitt’s Creek
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.” — Tom Stoppard
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.” — Truman Capote
Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.” — Jim Gaffigan
“My Birthday! What a difference sound That word had in my youthful ears; And how each time the day comes round, Less and less white its mark appears.” — Thomas Moore
“The people who live in a golden age usually go around complaining how yellow everything looks.” — Randall Jarrell
“Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” — Chili Davis
“You were born and with you endless possibilities, very few ever to be realized. It’s okay. Life was never about what you could do, but what you would do.” — Richelle E. Goodrich
“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn’t have one. So, I got a cake!” — Mitch Hedberg
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
“Cake, cake, cake, cake.” — Rihanna, “Birthday Cake”
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.” — Harold Coffin
“Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.” — Cora Harvey Armstrong
“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” — George Burns
“Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.” – Plautus
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir
You don’t get older, you get better. — Shirley Bassey
“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Bernard Baruch
“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” — Branch Rickey
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
“I decided if you’re lucky enough to be alive, you should use each birthday to celebrate what your life is about.” — Mary Steenburgen
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni
“It’s sad to grow old, but nice to ripen.” – Brigitte Bardot
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” — E.E. Cummings
“Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.” — Faith Baldwin
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” — Anthony Burgess
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” — Mahatma Gandhi
“The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.” — Robert Orben
“Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Eubie Blake
“All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” — George Harrison
“When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents.” — Blair Sabol
“I like birthday cake. It’s so symbolic. It’s a tempting symbol to load with something more complicated than just ‘Happy birthday!’ because it’s this emblem of childhood and a happy day.” — Aimee Bender
“With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.” – William Shakespeare
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.” — Anthony Powell
“I binge when I’m happy. When everything is going really well, every day is like I’m at a birthday party.” — Kirstie Alley
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.” — Greg Tamblyn
“Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.” — Sammy Hagar
“Don’t just count your years, make your years count.” — George Meredith
“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier…I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.” — Steven Wright
“Just remember once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.” — Charles Schultz
“Whatever with the past has gone, The best is always yet to come.” — Lucy Larcom
“Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“You’re getting old when the only thing you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of it.” — Felix Severn
“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.” — Joan Rivers
“Go shawty, it’s your birthday.” — 50 Cent
“When I was little I thought, isn’t it nice that everybody celebrates on my birthday? Because it’s July 4th.” — Gloria Stuart
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
“It’s my birthday. I’ma do what I like. I’ma wear what I like. I’ma party tonight.” — Anne-Marie
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” — Kitty Collins
“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” — John Lennon
“For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.” — John Glenn
“You were born an original. Don’t die a copy.” — John Mason
“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” — Woody Allen
“A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.” — Erma Bombeck
“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.” — Helen Hayes
“Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room, so you don’t have to chase it.” – Greg Tamblyn
“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive, it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
“Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” – C.S. Lewis
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Norman Wisdom
“The old believe everything, the middle—aged suspect everything, the young know everything.” — Oscar Wilde
“You’re never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – Les Brown
“Life would be infinitely better if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18.” — Mark Twain
“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.” — Jerry M. Wright
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” — Margaret Mead
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.” — Edward Morykwas
“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — E. Joseph Cossman
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash
“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” — Oprah Winfrey
“At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.” — John M Eades
“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” — Will Rogers
“At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgement.” — Benjamin Franklin
“One of the best parts of growing older? You can flirt all you like since you’ve become harmless.” — Liz Smith
“If you survive long enough, you’re revered-rather like an old building.” — Katherine Hepburn
“Celebration is life’s frosting: isn’t frosting the very best part of the cake?” – Bethenny Frankel
“My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.” — Jarod Kintz
“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” — Madeleine L’Engle
“Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.” — Stanislaw Lec
“For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do. For the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” — Richard Needham
“Of late I appear to have reached that stage when people who look old who are only my age.” — Richard Armour
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
“The Best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” — H. V. Prochnow
“From our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye.” — William Butler Yeats
“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’” — Jerry Seinfeld
“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.” — George Burns
“Turned my birthday into a lifestyle.” — Drake, “Pop Style”
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher
“When you wake up every day, it’s like a new birthday: it’s a new chance to be great again and make great decisions.” — Poo Bear
“That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.” — Bob Hope
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age.” — Robert Frost
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.” — Bette Midler
“Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.” — Franklin Pierce Adams
“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.” — Chris Hardwick
“There’s glitter on the floor after the party.” — Taylor Swift
“Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age.” — Booth Tarkington
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” — Billie Burke
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” – Bobby Kelton
“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny
“The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.” — Betty White
“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.” — Steven Wright
“Throw some glitter, make it rain.” — Kesha
“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
“No wonder I’m unhappy. My twin forgot my birthday.” — Jerry Dennis
“To know how to grow old is the masterwork of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.” — Henri Frederic Amiel
“I know I’ll be A-O, A-O-K.” — Tai Verdes, “A-O-K”
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?” — Bobby Kelton
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Hilarious Birthday Captions, One Line Happy Birthday Wishes, Happy Birthday Puns and Happy Birthday Wishes for Friends.
Funny Birthday Sayings
Getting older is just part of life… and the other parts are even worse.
The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet. Happy birthday!
Getting older is just part of life, and the other parts are even worse.
Some things are better with age. Too bad you aren’t one of them.
Two things that are inevitable for any living person are birthdays and taxes.
It’s better to be one month older than one month late!
It’s your birthday! You know what that means? One year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids Get off my lawn! Everyone loves that guy!
Happy birthday, my dearest friend! Hope you have the best day celebrating. I can’t wait to BOOP you on the nose in a few short months. Love you always.
It is wise for a man to be nice to his friends on their birthdays. They may return the favor.
On your birthday you might be thinking Oh man I’m getting old, but don’t worry. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you won’t still be doing dumb stuff. You’ll just be doing it slower. Happy birthday!
The older you get, the more disoriented your hair gets. Once it leaves your head, it seems to get lost.
If birthdays were celebrated every week instead of every year, there would be a lot more happy people in this world.
Happy Birthday! For your special day I made you a cake. BOOM YOU’RE A CAKE! You’re so very welcome.
Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.
You’re older; you’re wiser; you’re sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents. Happy Birthday!
The younger you try to look, the older you actually are.
When I have a birthday, I take a day-off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
Happy birthday to a lifelong friend! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to be terrorizing the senior home nurses together!
I decided to keep having birthdays because it beats the alternative… Death.
The best years of a woman’s life — the 10 years between 39 and 40.
Some sayings just don’t seem to hold up in certain situations. One is, The more the merrier. This doesn’t hold true when you are talking about birthdays.
The old pessimist focuses on his growing number. The old optimist focuses on his growing blessings.
You’re so old that when you looked at your birth certificate, it said expired.
Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
You know you are getting old when the birthday candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
Birthdays are like cheese. They stink more the older they get.
The best presents one can receive on a birthday are one’s friends’ presence.
It might be the cake talking, but I love birthday parties.
Middle age is when a man is warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.
On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship… and all that stuff that doesn’t cost anything. Happy Birthday!
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
No wise man ever wished to be younger.
Here’s to many more rotations around the sun. May you live to be old and toothless — Jell—O is the caviar of the future! Happy Birthday.
I’m not aging, I’m marinating.
On your birthday you get to have your cake and eat it too.
Let’s get you so drunk that you end up believing it’s my birthday and buying me drinks all night. Happy birthday!
Another year, another new place that aches.
It’s better to be over the hill than under it.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.
At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober… Disappoint them. Happy Birthday!
Life was meant to be celebrated more often than just one day a year. We’re missing opportunities the other 364 days.
There’s really only one true birthday. The rest are simply anniversaries of the day of a person’s birth.
Everyone gets to be young once. Today it’s official, your turn is over. Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you… But hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.
Happy birthday to my brother who has the world’s greatest sister! You are so lucky haha! Hope this makes you smile and shake your head for the rest of your special day!
Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.
At least you’re not as old as you will be next year.
May you live to be so old that the very sight of you terrifies babies and ex—lovers. Happy birthday!
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.
You have reached the age where all compliments will be followed by for your age.
Birthdays are like vacations. You don’t have one too often and they come and go too quickly.
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday and it said that I needed an upgrade.
I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!
The more birthdays one has, the more difficult it becomes to remember all of them.
A wise man once said, Forget about your past, you cannot change it. I’d like to add: Forget about your present, I didn’t get you one. Happy birthday!
We know we’re getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it.
Even with your ripe old age, you’re still the best friend someone could ask for. I’ll get the prune juice ready though. Happy Birthday.
Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
So that is it for our list of Funny Birthday Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one!
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.