Love and romance is all well and good, but it never hurts to mix in a chuckle or two, either. Which is why we have gathered all the best funny Happy Valentine’s Day sayings for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny Happy Valentine’s Day quotes, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Sayings
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” — Jenny Han
Are you a locksmith? Because you have the key to my heart.
Sending you 100% natural, organic love, Valentine! Locally sourced hugs and kisses to follow.
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — The Office
Love is not having to say you’re sorry… until you finish the last piece of chocolate.
Love is like a fine wine; it gets better with time, and a little bit of humor makes it bubbly.
Yoda best Valentine.
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton
Good shot, Cupid, good shot. Love you, Valentine!
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day you’ll love! So, candy, candy, candy, candy? Happy Heart Day!
You quack me up.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my huggy bear from your kissy face. Love you!
I love you once and flor-al!
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” — W. Somerset Maugham
“Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb
If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin
Will you say that you’ll be mine? Will you be my Valentine? My hopeful guess is a great big hug with the sweetest, “Yes!”
You’re like my favorite card in a deck: the king/queen of *my* heart.
Love you smore – Valentine’s Day Card
I love you a little s’more every day. You are lip-smackin’ sweetness, Valentine!
Love is being stupid together, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Our love is like a good joke – it gets better with time and always leaves us laughing.
“Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be…well, January.” — Jim Gaffigan
I love you more than… more than… It would appear I love you more.
If love is blind, our future together must be incredibly bright!
You’re the marshmallow to my hot cocoa—sweet, cozy, and essential for a perfect day.
Don’t play heart to get.
Be my Boo. Or I’ll be Boo-Hoo! Be mine, Valentine?
Love is like a roller coaster, and with you, I’m willing to ride the crazy loops!
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought chocolates, but I ate them too.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Some people make your heart go pitter-patter. You make mine dance! Best. Valentine. Ever.
“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” — Pretty Woman
We mermaid for each other!
I love you a whole watt.
”Never sign a Valentine with your own name.” — Charles Dickens
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.” — Mindy Kaling
“The great question which I have not been able to answer… is, ‘What does a woman want?’ — Freud
Are you a flame?! Because I think I found my perfect match.
You *must* be part magnet, because you always find a way to attract me to you!
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah
“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White
You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile – then walk into a pole.
Valentine’s Day is the only day I’ll willingly get all mushy. Well, that and when pizza is involved.
“Love is sharing your popcorn.” — Charles Schulz
Love is sharing your popcorn. Bonus points if it’s during a romantic movie, and you still have some left.
May all the love you’ve thrown out there come back to smack you in the nicest way.
On Valentine’s Day, it can be difficult to be alone, but it helps to fortify yourself with chocolate, the remote, and a vivid memory of your worst date. Happy Valentine’s Day!
You must be a car, because I’m head over wheels for you.
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly – a little nutty but totally irresistible!
You’re my emergency contact because who else would I trust with my snacks and secrets?
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” – Woody Allen
Have a HUGELY Happy Valentine’s Day
I wish you a beary Happy Valentines… With all my huggy heart!
You shower me with love, Valentine. My favorite weather!
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” — David Sedaris
“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
You’re the glaze to my donut, the sweet to my heart! Love you, Valentine!
I was gonna stuff all my love for you into your Valentine. But it was kinda like trying to get into your skinny jeans the day after Thanksgiving.
You must be glue, because I’m sticking with you.
“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery
What do you call the world’s smallest Valentine? A Valen-tiny!
“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” — H. L. Mencken
This may sound corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
Valentine, if you’ll be mine, my heart will ring with music! If we eat Mexican, it will be accompanied by a tooting section.
Our love is like a needle. It’s just sew special to me!
They say love is blind, but I’m pretty sure marriage is a real eye-opener!
I have strong felines for you.
Ewe woolly stole my heart. And it’s shear delight, Babe!
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” —Lewis Black
You stole a pizza my heart! You saucy thing.
Our love story: Eat, Sleep, Love, Repeat. Well, mostly eat.
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
You don’t miss a beat.
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.” — Oscar Wilde
I mustache you a question…will you be my Valentine?
I love you more than coffee, and that’s saying a latte!
If I had to choose between you and a chocolate fountain, it would be a tough call.
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — Jerry Seinfeld
Roses are red, violets are blue, I bought you chocolate because I ate yours too!
I can heart-ly wait to see you.
If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print.
Your outfit must be made out of husband/wife material.
You’re soda-lightful.
You must be a campfire, because you’re hot and I want s’more.
I love you more than pizza, and that’s saying a lot.
Friends who love you, friends who support you… these are the true Valentines.
“You know how people say, ‘You can’t live without love’? Well, oxygen is even more important.” – Dr. Gregory Houser
If this Valentine could talk, it would say, “Get me out of this envelope!”
You’re the peanut butter to my jelly, the cheese to my macaroni, and the laughter in my heart.
I dig you a hole lot.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman
Valentine, I pick you. Every single day.
You don’t have to be a locksmith to have the key to my heart.
Are you a router? Because you’re Wi-Fi material.
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford
Valentine’s Day is like a fine chocolate – sweet, indulgent, and best enjoyed with you.
You stole my heart, but don’t worry; I’ll let you keep it because you make it skip a beat anyway!
Unlike the toilet paper, my love for you will never run out. Happy Valentine’s Day Forever!
I wear my heart on my sleeve. That’s why I never wear a tank top.
Orange you glad we met? Your sweet squeezes weaken my kneeses!
”Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love” — Albert Einstein
Valentine, I’d compare you to the most exclusive wines and caviars, but I don’t like those.
“Valentine, just a few words to tell you how I love you. I have loved you since the first day I saw you. Whenever that was.” ― Charles M. Schulz
I’ve got my ion you!
You’re more amazing than sweet tea and Moon Pies.
You stole my heart and now you’re under cardiac arrest.
“You’re never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.” — Mike Primavera
Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
You must be a bowling ball, because you’re right up my alley.
“Love is a grave mental illness.” — Plato
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, and trust me, I’ve been searching for a while!
You’re my favorite notification – forget Facebook, you’re my constant ‘Heartbook’ update!
Also, I’m single this year.
Wishing you a Valentine’s Day that’ll make you wag your tail! If you had one.
Valentine’s Day: Because love makes even the most mundane activities feel like a romantic comedy.
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns
Pudgy little baby child with a bow and arrow? No one sees that coming.
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” — Lucille Ball
You’re my tweet-heart.
You’re the missing piece to my puzzle, or maybe you’re just the puzzle’s funny shape!
You remind me a lot of a keyboard—you’re just my type!
Our love is like custom T-shirts – perfectly tailored, unique, and always in style!
Our love is like Wi-Fi – sometimes it’s slow, but it’s essential for my happiness!
“So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea. — King Jaffe Joffer
“If you text ‘I love you’ and the person writes back an emoji—no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti
“Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.” — Phyllis Schlafly
I love you to Reese’s pieces.
What did one shoe say to the other? You’re my sole-mate.
I’ll never take you for granite.
You’re the only person I would share my snacks with during a zombie apocalypse.
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
I donut know what I’d do without you. I donut want to know. Love you, Sweetie!
You’re the WiFi to my smartphone – I can’t live without you.
Valentine’s Day is the one day a year where it’s perfectly acceptable to eat way too much chocolate. The other 364 days, too.
“The thing about Valentine’s day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of.” — Faye Morgan
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
“Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell
“Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.” — James Thurber
“Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office
“Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
You’re the ‘perfect match’ to my unique couples mug – stirring up happiness in every sip!
Love is like a fart – if you have to force it, it’s probably not that great.
Relationship status: Eating my feelings in heart-shaped chocolates.
You’re shrimp-ly the best.
Zoom in. Hold. There. Keep holding…keep holding… Forever is good.
My love for you is never in vein.
Don’t worry about paying rent! You can live inside my heart for free.
“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” — Tracy Smith
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
People think we’re aliens, but it’s just because our love is out of this world.
What did one ice cream bar say to the other? You make me melt.
“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
So that is it for our list of Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Funny February Letter Board Quotes, Valentine Chalk Board Art Ideas, Funny Happy Valentine’s Day Messages and Winter Chalk Board Art Ideas.
About the Author
Laynni Locke
I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.
And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.
With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.