Short Funny Work Quotes to Add Humor to the Workplace

Just because it’s your job doesn’t mean it can’t be funny, too. Which is why we have put together a list of all the best short funny work quotes for your next post. And if you’re looking for short funny work sayings, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Short Funny Work Quotes

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings

“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash

“Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson

“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler

“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert

“I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks

“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius

“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller

“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Many of life’s failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo

“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen

“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp

“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret

“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz

“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker

“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card

“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.” — Larry Bird

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain

“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash

“Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar

 “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?”  — Kin Hubbard

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer

“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson

“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson

“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.” — William Faulkner

“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia

“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo

“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends.” — Julio Alexi Genao

“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck

“Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy

“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh

“Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning.” — Malcolm Gladwell

“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr

“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale

“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

“Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi

“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather

“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley

“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams

“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.” — Bill Watterson

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben

“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” – Tony Robbins

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald

“A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks

“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama

“The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy

“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey

“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley

“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost

“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones

“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard

“Things don’t have to change the world to be important” – Steve Jobs

“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese

“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower

“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith

“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter

“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker

“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy

“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” — Larry Winget

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.

“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan

Frederick Douglass

“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —

“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb

“Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater

“Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Short Hard Work Quotes, Team Building Quotes, Funny Good Morning Sayings, Hard Work Quotes and Happy Boss Day Messages.

Short Funny Sayings About Work

“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.”

“You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.”

“Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.”

“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”

“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.”

“It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.”

“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”

“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.”

“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!”

“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!”

“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”

“The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.”

“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.”

“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.”

“The hardest work of all is to do nothing.”

“And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.”

So that is it for our list of Short Funny Work Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!