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100 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Those Hilarious Family Moments


Thanksgiving is full of good food, time with family and, of course, football. But it is also a time when it’s handy to have some funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings to keep everything light. Be prepared and check out our list of the best funny sayings for Thanksgiving that we gathered from across the internet including funny Turkey Day sayings.

Whether you are looking for amusing quotes to tickle your funny bone, a funny caption for your Thanksgiving post or pics or just to add some humor to your day you should find what you are looking for here.

Our Favorite Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart

“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” —Johnny Carson

Table with decorations and funny Thanksgiving quotes by Johnny Carson

“I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.” —Kumail Nanjiani

“It’s like being at the kids’ table at Thanksgiving – you can put your elbows on it, you don’t have to talk politics… no matter how old I get, there’s always a part of me that’s sitting there.” – John Hughes

“Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.” – Augusten Burroughs

“When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.” –  Sam Lefkowitz

“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?” —Jim Gaffigan

“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.” – Melanie White

“I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.” —Andre Kelley

“Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.” – Stephen Colbert

Piece of pumpkin pie and a funny Thanksgiving quotes by Stephen Colbert

“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper

“If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe.”—Carl Sagan

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”—Stephen Colbert

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”—Andy Borowitz

“I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”—Craig Ferguson

“Thanksgiving – fall’s finale. Best damn holiday of the year in my worldly estimation.” – Carew Papritz

Fall leaves with funny quotes about Thanksgiving

“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.”—Just Bill

“But see, in our open clearings, how golden the melons lie; Enrich them with sweets and spices, and give us the pumpkin-pie!” – Margaret Junkin Preston

“Thanksgiving offers us an annual pause from the pace of life return to places we do not often visit and gather with people we do not often see.” – Jay Milbrandt

“I always think it’s funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I’m never quite sure why we eat Turkey like everybody else.” – Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian

“I dropped the turkey after rubbing olive oil all over it. I rinsed it off, rubbed the oil on again, and cooked it. Didn’t tell anybody for 10 years… I just told them last year. Oh well, it didn’t kill anybody or make them sick!” – Debbie K. Jefferson

“The funny thing about Thanksgiving ,or any big meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it then go home and cook, chop, braise and blanch. Then it’s gone in 20 minutes and everybody lies around sort of in a sugar coma and then it takes 4 hours to clean it up.” – Ted Allen

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” – Damien Fahey

“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.” – Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon

“There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.” – O. Henry

“My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch.” –  Katharine McPhee

“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” – Erma Bombeck

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” —Melanie White

“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

Table with fall decorations and a funny Thanksgiving quotes for a smile by Erma Bombeck

“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that?” —Howie Mandel

“We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” —George Carlin

“Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.”—Michael Dresser

“A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying ‘that smells good’ to be helping.”—Jimmy Fallon

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.”—Damien Fahey

“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.”—Dylan Brody

Pumpkin on a table and a funny thanksgiving quotes for a smile by Dylan Brody

“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”—Robert Brault

“I love Thanksgiving because it is a holiday centered around food and family, two things that are of utmost importance to me.” – Marcus Samuelsson

“‘So what do we do?’ We do what all families do. Grin, bear it, and pass the mashed potatoes.” – Heather Brewer, Eleventh Grade Burns

If you like these, you might also want to checkl out our other lists of Short Thanksgiving Quotes, Family Thanksgiving Quotes, Happy Thanksgiving Sayings, Thanksgiving Wishes, Friendsgiving Quotes, Thanksgiving Letter Board Quotes and Gratitude Quotes.

Short Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram

“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James

“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller

“Here I am, 5 o’clock in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.” – Rosanne in Rosanne

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” —Erma Bombeck

Orange Pumpkins in a row with short funny Thanksgiving Quotes for Instagram by Erma Bombeck

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner

“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”—Jay Leno

“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.”—Mike Connolly

“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.”—Ina Garten

“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.”—Nicole Hollander

“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham

“Pie makes everybody happy.”—Laurie Halse Anderson

“It’s Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together!”—Rachel Green, Friends

“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”—Charlie Brown

“Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It’s a national tradition.” – Eric Samuel Timm

“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”—Kin Hubbard

Someone carving a turkey with short funny thanksgiving quotes for Instagram by Kin Hubbard

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”—Oscar Wilde

“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.”—George Bernard Shaw

“Of all of the food filled holidays, Thanksgiving reigns king in the United States.” – Gia Scott

“People who love to eat are always the best people.” – Julia Child

“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.”—William Jennings Bryan

“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet

Piles of gourds with a funny quotes about Thanksgiving by Irv Kupcinet

“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” – Phyllis Diller

“We began to view Thanksgiving as just another paid holiday.” – Shari MacDonald

“I know what I’m having for Thanksgiving and it ain’t turkey.” – Anthony T. Hincks

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson

Funny Happy Thanksgiving Wishes

“Turkey for the girls and Turkey for the boys. My favorite kind of pants are corduroys. Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel. I wish turkey only cost a nickel. Oh I love turkey on Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving everybody!” – Adam Sandler, The Thanksgiving Song

“Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy some moist turkey on your dinner table, and some juicy gossip around it.”

“May the wishbone snap in your favor this Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Flower and a pumpkin with a funny happy thanksgiving quotes and sayings

“A best friend is someone who lets you have the last piece of pumpkin pie. Happy Thanksgiving to you!”

“This Thanksgiving, my heart is bursting with gratitude, and my pants are bursting with several helpings of mashed potatoes.”

“This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your belly.”

“I hope your Thanksgiving table is full of your favorite food and surrounded by your favorite people.”

“On this Thanksgiving day, let us be grateful that we were not born turkeys. Happy Thanksgiving!”

Happy Thanksgiving to someone who’s taught me how to not hate holidays.

If I got to choose how I spend Thanksgiving, I would spend my time with you: eating pumpkin pie straight from the pie pan from the grocery store and falling asleep on the couch. Happy Thanksgiving

Pumpkins spilling from containers with funny happy Thanksgiving wishes

This year has been full of ups and downs. We’ve stood together on the peaks of high mountains, and the depths of low valleys. I’m so thankful to have been there with you for those times. Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. You know how passionate I am about football: sweaty, attractive men rolling around on the grass together. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Promise me something on this special Thanksgiving: if you die in the Black Friday stampede, I’ll get to be the one to inherit your leftovers. Promise? Happy Thanksgiving!

“If I had a piece of pumpkin pie for every time I thanked my lucky stars for you, well… I’d have a whole pie!”

Piece of pie with cute wishes for Thanksgiving

Christmas is about presents. Easter is about chocolate. Valentine’s Day is about, well…nevermind. Happy Thanksgiving!

May your Thanksgiving travels be miserable enough to make spending time with family seem comparatively tolerable.

Wishing you all the joys of the season, including warmth when it is cold, support when it is needed, and the opportunity to stop and give thanks.

Sending you Thanksgiving wishes this year from many miles away.

This Thanksgiving, may your heart be as full as your belly.

pumpkins in a bowl on a table with funny thanksgiving wishes

You’re sweeter than pumpkin pie, sweet potato casserole, and apple cider all combined! I am the luckiest person in the world to have someone as delightful as you to celebrate Thanksgiving with. Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving!

When we think about the Thanksgiving holiday, thoughts of turkey, dressing, and pumpkin pie fill our minds. However, as Thanksgiving draws near, my mind is filled with a year of reasons to be grateful. Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.

When I was a kid, I didn’t really understand Thanksgiving. All I knew was that I got to eat turkey! These past few years have shown me what this holiday is all about: being grateful for the wonderful people in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving!

Pies with funny happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours wishes

I hope your Thanksgiving table is full of your favorite food and surrounded by your favorite people.

I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn’t want to use any fowl language.

Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day.

May all the delightful attributes of the season be with you, a house filled with the delicious smells of your favorite foods, the Macy’s parade on television, and great conversations around the table.

Tomorrow we venture out to try and get the best deals of the season, fighting the crowds and participating in the madness. For today, however, we stop and give thanks for all the marvelous things we have in our lives. Happy Thanksgiving.

May the turkey leg be yours this Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving decorations with funny Thanksgiving messages

They say that Thanksgiving is the one day where we can gorge ourselves on food, go to sleep at eight in the evening, and ignore our family when they talk… Sounds about right.

The turkey is dressed and ready to go, your trimmings on the way. The football game is underway, and our loved ones are about to gather and express their gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving

Happy gobble gobble day. Eat up all that you can on this Thanksgiving, it’s a feast!

The only reason why I’m glad that thanksgiving comes once in a year is that good things should always be less or else we don’t value it! Glad that it’s here, Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Pumpkins with happy thanksgiving to your family from ours wishes

I hope you get a plump Turkey to fill you tummy with for this Thanksgiving Day. Enjoy the holiday to the fullest and have a quality time with the people who make your life worth thanking!

Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you enjoy some moist turkey on your dinner table, and some juicy gossip around it.

Funny Thanksgiving Sayings

“May your stuffing be tasty. May your turkey be plump. May your potatoes and gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs!”

“We may not have it all together, but together, we have it all.”

“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.”

“There’s always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it’s just not being a turkey.”

Someone holding a yellow leaf and funny Thanksgiving sayings

“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.”

“Thanksgiving is a lot like Christmas, except you don’t get any presents for holding in your familial rage.”

“I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn’t want to use any fowl language.”

Turkey decoration with a funny happy Turkey Day Sayings

“Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day.”

“Turkey Day is the moist wonderful time of the year.”

“May your Turkey Day be full of excitement… except for a couple of hours in there when you want to take a nap.”

“Hope your relatives stay relatively sober and relatively non-political this Turkey Day.”

“Hope your Turkey Day is full of fun, food, family, and most importantly, football.”

“This is a reminder to set your scale back ten pounds this weekend.”

“It’s not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it’s the seconds.”

A piece of pumpkin pie and funny Thanksgiving sayings

“May your pants stay stretchy, your glasses stay full, and your family avoid talking politics.”

“Leftovers are for quitters.”

“Cold hands, warm heart, can’t lose.”

“‘Tis the season to be freezing.”

“Easy as pumpkin pie”

“Eat, drink, and be thankful”

“Tea and fuzzy socks season”

Pumpkins with funny November sayings

“It’s too cold to dress cute.”   

“May the turkey leg be yours this Thanksgiving.”

“Let’s talk turkey!”

“It has been an unchallengeable American doctrine that cranberry sauce, a pink goo with overtones of sugared tomatoes, is a delectable necessity of the Thanksgiving board and that turkey is uneatable without it.” – Alistair Cooke

“It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.” – Russell Baker

“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.” —Mitch Hedberg

Dinner table with funny turkey captions that says let's talk turkey

“Real ballplayers pass the stuffing by rolling it up in a ball and batting it across the table with a turkey leg.”—Tom Swyers

“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”—Kenny Rogerson

A roasted turkey with funny turkey quotes by kenny Rogerson

“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce

“You can’t have Thanksgiving without turkey. That’s like Fourth of July without apple pie, or Friday with no two pizzas.”—Joey Tribbiani, Friends

“The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we can agree so vehemently about? I don’t think so.” – Nora Ephron

“The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner.” – Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother

Funny Thanksgiving Family Quotes

“Gratitude can transform common days into Thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” — William Arthur Ward

“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”—Andy Borowitz

“I like football. I find it an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”— Craig Ferguson

Turkey with funny Thanksgiving quotes on Family by Hebert

“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” — Damien Fahey

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” — Oscar Wilde

“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” — John Lyon

“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” — Melanie White

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld

People around table with inspirational thankful quotes for family by Maxwell

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“It’s Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together!” — Rachel Green, Friends

“Family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated and treasured, even when they’re driving you crazy. As much as they make you mad, interrupt you, annoy you, curse at you, try to control you, these are the people who know you the best and who love you.” — Jenna Morasca

“Family is not an important thing, it’s everything.” ― Michael J. Fox

Turkey with Thanksgiving quotes on Family by Hebert

“Nothing is better than going home to family and eating good food and relaxing.” ― Irina Shayk

“I think togetherness is a very important ingredient to family life.” ― Barbara Bush

“If you are really thankful, what do you do? You share.” — W. Clement Stone

Funny November Quotes

“This is going to be a November to remember” ― Charmaine J. Forde

“Will you forgive me these November days?” – Anna Akhmatova

Fall trees reflected in lake with funny November quotes by Akhmatova

“In November, the trees are standing all sticks and bones. Without their leaves, how lovely they are, spreading their arms like dancers. They know it is time to be still.” – Cynthia Rylant

“This November there seems to be nothing to say.” – Anne Sexton

“November, n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.” – Ambrose Bierce

“November always seemed to me the Norway of the year.” – Emily Dickinson

Frosty morning with funny quotes about November weather

“November. Crows are approaching, wounded leaves fall to the ground.” – Sir Kristian Goldmund Aumann

“How sad would be November if we had no knowledge of the spring.” – Edwin Way Teale

“November at its best—with a sort of delightful menace in the air.” – Anne Bosworth Greene

“The last seed falls from the sunflower, empty pond. The long awaited rattle of rain on rooftops. Thanksgiving Day.” – Michael P. Garofalo

“I don’t see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere than this one.” —It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

“I’d say the first thing you need is … a pumpkin.” —Cinderella

“I tromped through the pumpkin patch.” —The Nightmare Before Christmas

“If you’re ever wondering what to wear, just dress like a pumpkin, you’re good to go. — Devendra Banhart

“Only the knife knows what goes on in the heart of a pumpkin.”— Simone Schwarz-Bart

“No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, no fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds — November!” — Thomas Hood

“It’s like going back to school. You know, autumn! Time for ‘Harry Potter’.” — Robbie Coltrane

So that’s our list. We hope you found the funny quotes you were looking for.

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Woman holding up a clear chunk of ice on the beach

About the Author

Laynni Locke

I am Laynni Locke, a Canadian writer, reader and traveller with a passion for sharing life’s moments on social media. Keeping friends and family in the loop of our lives though photos and videos has become an essential activity for most.

And it doesn’t matter if you are travelling, celebrating a special occasion or just appreciating day-to-day life, when you take that perfect photo you are going to need the perfect caption or quote before you share it. Which is why we started Routinely Shares, providing comprehensive lists of quotes and captions to cover every occasion, adventure or loved one.

With extensive experience as a travel writer, social media specialist and grant writer, I have made it my mission to curate the best and easiest to use lists for your next post.

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