100 Funny Tuesday Quotes to Start Your Morning with Humor

Tuesdays are always a little different. This collection of the best funny Tuesday quotes and sayings can help make your Tuesdays better. Kick off your morning with a bit of humor with these funny quotes.

Scroll on through to find your favorite funny Tuesday quote or skip ahead to your favorite category.

Short Funny Tuesday Quotes for Instagram

“Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!” ― Neil Leckman

“Tuesday is my favorite day of the week. That’s cleaning day.” ― Jim Miller

“Tuesday is neither here nor there in the hierarchy of the week.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

“There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.” ― Anton Chekhov

“Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?” ― Todd Stocker

“If this depression stays with us, the loser Tuesday is going to be the winner.” ― Will Rogers

“I am only human, although I regret it.” ― Mark Twain

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.” ― Steven Wrigh

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” ― George Weah

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” ― Charles de Gaulle

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ― Steven Wright

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” ― Marlene Dietrich

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” ― Elbert Hubbard

“Addiction – when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.” ― Nikki Sixx

“Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.” ― Will Ferrell

“In my time, we didn’t know songs could last. All we ever thought of was next Tuesday. You never imagined a future.” ― Donovan

“Tuesday is the most sensible day of the week.” ― Emily P. Freeman

“On Tuesday, when it hails and snows. The feeling on me grows and grows. That hardly anybody knows. If those are these or these are those.” ― A. A. Milne

“I’m not the kind of actor that would know what my character had for breakfast last Tuesday.” ― Liam Neeson

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of funny Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday quotes.

Funny Tuesday Morning Quotes

“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.” ― Tony Smite

“Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” ― Kurt Cobain

“No likes Tuesday morning but at least it’s not Monday morning.” ― Bev Johnston

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” — Glen Cook

“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” — Jim Davis

“Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says ‘Good joke.’ Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” — Gehenna Toss

“I hate mornings, they start so early.” — Janet Evanovich

“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” — Jarod Kintz

“Tuesday morning is a time to reflect upon the words you use; are they positive filled words or complaining words; are the words that inspire others and are a positive influence; you choose your words, make them count.” ― Byron Pulsifer

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” — Lewis Black

“I like my coffee black and my mornings bright.” – Terri Guillemets

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” — Ursula Le Guin

“When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” — Crystal Woods

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” — James Marsden

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” — Dorothy Parker

“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ― Rachel Caine

Funny Quotes for Tuesday

“You can write the best column in the world on Monday, and it does you absolutely no good on Tuesday.” ― Lewis Grizzard

“There is a breed of Tuesday in January in which time creeps and no light comes and the air is full of water and nobody really loves anybody.” ― Zadie Smith

“For some people, showing up at a bridal salon without a ring or a groom might appear bizarre and quite unusual–but for me, it’s a regular Tuesday afternoon.” ― Tinsely Mortimer

“The Tuesday scowls, the Wednesday growls, the Thursday curses, the Friday howls, the Saturday snores, the Sunday yawns, the Monday morns.” ― Samuel Beckett

“Thinking about happy times on a Tuesday is like going to the beach when there is no sun.” ― Alain Bremond-Torrent

“Happy Tuesday! Decide what you want. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it and believe it’s possible for you.” ― Jack Canfield

“Let Tuesday tarnish your day with love and smiles. Happy Tuesday.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

“Did someone order a bright and sunny day? Well…here it is. Happy Tuesday!” ― Anthony T. Hincks

“If you want to be happy, be.” ― Leo Tolstoy

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” ― Benjamin Franklin

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” ― Rita Mae Brown

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” ― Oscar Wilde

“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” ― Ricky Gervais

“Tuesday is a huge day.” ― Ian Mcdougal

“Have a beautiful Tuesday! Your mantra is: ‘All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.’” ― Bryan Katie

“We never know what a week from next Tuesday is going to hold. It may be an ordinary day filled with quite regular activities and demands. Most of the time that is exactly what a week from next Tuesday will hold.” ― Matthew Rich

“By Tuesday morning, we’d gotten over the worst of it.” ― William Scranton

“Today’s accomplishments were yesterday’s impossibilities.” – Robert H. Schuller

“You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.” ― A. A. Milne

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ― Charlie Chaplin

“Do or do not. There is no try.” ― Yoda

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ― Winnie the Pooh

“We’re Tuesday people.” ― Mitch Albom

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne

“Dream big, stay positive, work hard, and enjoy the journey.” – Urijah Faber

“I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day unless it’s Tuesday.” ― Will Advise

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!”” ― Audrey Hepburn

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” ― Yogi Berra

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“No matter how successful you are, no matter how good you are at what you do, even if a golden path rolls out in front of your feet your whole life, there will come one particularly bleak Tuesday when you glance over at Facebook and notice that Jen From Down The Hall has just won an Oscar.” ― Alexandra Petri

“There is no point in learning on a Tuesday when on a Thursday it might be completely different.” ― Alycia Debnam-Carey

“I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.” ― Jack L. Warner

“The days were heavy and sticky. All identical, one the same as the other. Soon they would even get rid of their one remaining distinction, the shell of their names: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.” ― Ismail Kadaré

“Tuesday nights are sushi nights, so we go out then.” ― Al Rocker

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” ― Steven Wright

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” ― Ashleigh Brilliant

“I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age – which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.” ― Noel Coward

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” ― Joan Crawford

“I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” ― Sarah Rees Brennan

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ― Robin Williams

“If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” ― Lawrence Ferlinghetti

“I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” ― Edgar Allen Poe

“Sunday just came down like a nine-pound hammer … it was tainted with the closing-in feeling of the loss of freedom. Because after the sun went down, it came back up on Monday morning. And you had to go to work five more days. And it sucked.” ― Larry Brown

“Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, half way through your work week!” ― Kate Summers

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” ― Drew Carey

“Creativity is a highfalutin word for the work I have to do between now and Tuesday.” ― Ray Kroc

“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen

“If you love the work you are doing, then you will love Tuesday!” ― Catherine Pulsifer

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde

“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” – Robert Collier

“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb

“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia

“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen

Funny Quotes for Each Day of the Week

“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more positive partnership.” – Julio Alexi Genao

“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.” – Ella Woodward

“The best weeks start on Monday.” – Nice Peter

“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Mondays!” – John Wagner

“Don’t let a day of the week have so much power over your happiness. Happy Monday!” – Andrea L’Artiste

“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.” – Steven Wright

“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days from now? Well, that’s a Monday, so I’ll be feeling shitty.” ― Jarod Kintz

“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.” – George Weah

“Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week!” – Lee Fox Williams

“A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.” – Demetri Martin

“I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That’s all any of us can hope for.” – April Winchell

“Thursday is perhaps the worst day of the week. It’s nothing in itself; it just reminds you that the week has been going on too long” – Nicci French

“It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?” ― Amy Neftzger

“Happy Friday! Here’s to all of us who made it through another week of faking adulthood.” – Nanea Hoffman

“Oh, my sweet Saturday, I have been waiting for you for six long days.” – Charmaine J. Forde

“I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.” – Anna Scott

“The goal of Sunday is to leave my home as little as possible.” – Mark Morris

“Happiness is a hot bath on a Sunday afternoon.” – A.D. Posey

Funny Tuesday Sayings

“People who say “good morning” should be forced to prove it. Happy Tuesday!”

“If TGIF is Thank God It’s Friday, then today must be SH*T, Sure Happy It’s Tuesday.”

“After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W – T – F.”

“It’s only Tuesday? Monday took so long that I thought it was Wednesday!”

“May your Tuesday feel like pancakes and coffee on a Saturday morning.”

“Tuesday. The most useless day. it only exists as a reminder that it’s been a really long week…and it’s still not over.”

“If Tuesday were a movie, it would be called Monday Part:2.”

“Nothing screws up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.”

“Tuesday isn’t so bad…It’s a sign that I’ve somehow survived Monday.”

“Tuesdays are the new Monday.”

“Today has been the Mondayest Tuesday ever.”

“I am having Monday feelings towards Tuesday.”

“Would anyone object if we moved casual Fridays to Tuesdays?”

“Live every day like it’s Taco Tuesday.”

So that’s our list! We hope we’ve helped you find the quote you were looking for.

Now get out there and enjoy your Tuesday!

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