Short Funny Positive Quotes to Add Humor to Your Dose of Positivity

Many people have come up with some fun, positive quotes that can help brighten up your day, so we have put together a list of all the best short funny positive quotes for you to enjoy. And if you’re looking for short funny positive quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.

Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.

Short Funny Positive Quotes

“Every morning is a revolution against the darkness.” ― Mehmet Murat Ildan

“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa

“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder

“Don’t be like the rest of them darling.” —Coco Chanel

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain

“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx

“It’s not your job to be likeable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway.” —Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank

“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler

“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” — Ethel Barrymore

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” —Katharine Hepburn

“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov

“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda

“Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn

“You go in with a positive attitude and stay there.” – Shelley Long

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski

“Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling

“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones

“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire

“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite

“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.” – William Hazlitt

“Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

“You can if you think you can.” – George Reeves

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

 “Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin

“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson

“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William

“Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho

“Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher

“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney

“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason

“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin

“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Shawshank Redemption

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire

“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Buñuel

“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams

“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright

“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis

“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo

“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison

“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein

“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler

“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler

“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo, “The Golden Girls”

“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star

“When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson

“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

“If you are positive, you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.” – Widad Akrawi

“Turn every life situation into a positive one.” – Rhonda Byrne

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

People in boat looking at iceberg with inspirational funny life’s good quotes by Stone

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov

“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.” —Florence Nightingale

“See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris

“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

“When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.” – Ziad K. Abdelnour

“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler

“I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde

“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the futre.” – Niels Bohr

“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking

“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar

“You never fail until you stop trying.” – Albert Einstein

“Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.” — Vaclav Havel

“Once you know who you are, you don’t have to worry anymore.” —Nikki Giovanni

“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks

“You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray

“Don’t wait, the time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein

“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” – Lisa Hoffman

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe

“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown

“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey

“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright

“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach

“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.

“I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz

“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl S. Bailey

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” – Lucille Ball

“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain

“It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

“If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing.” – Winnie the Pooh

“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” —Joe Girard

“Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon

“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.

“When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White

“Happiness is not doing fun things. Happiness is doing meaningful things.” – Maxime Lagacé

“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain

“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” – Mae West

“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin

“Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei

“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar

“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called “All the Things That Could Go Wrong.” – Marianne Williamson

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett

“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”– Milton Berle

“You do not find the happy life. You make it.” —Thomas S. Monson

“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.” —S. C. Lourie

“oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”

“In a world that wants women to whisper, I choose to yell.” – Luvvie Ajayi

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson

“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost

“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius

“I’m not superstitious … but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”

“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt

“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant

“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”

“Life is good. Or at least, it’s always interesting.” – Joss Stone

“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin

“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” — Captain Jack Sparrow

“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz

“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey

“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.” – William Goldman

“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson

“Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Especially not yourself.” —Mindy Kaling

“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” – Albert Einstein

“One small positive thought can change your whole day.” – Zig Ziglar

“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald

“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” – Gustave Flaubert

“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams

“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle

“It’s almost always possible to be honest and positive.” – Naval Ravikant

“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz

“You have to train your brain to be positive just like you work out your body.” – Shawn Achor

“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes

“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” – Ricky Gervais

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”—Confucius

“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” —Estée Lauder

“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey

“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!” – Tom Lehrer

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde

“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken

So that is it for our list of Short Funny Positive Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one for you!

If you like these, you might also want to check out our other lists of Short Funny Work Sayings, Funny Good Morning Sayings, Funny Fall Sayings, Short Fall Letter Board Quotes, Short Inspiring Morning Quotes and Uplifting Quotes.